Community (TV Series)
Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism (2011)
Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir
Photos
Quotes
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Britta Perry : I'm volunteering at the animal hospital.
Troy Barnes : [excited] Animal hospital?
Abed Nadir : The animals are the patients.
Troy Barnes : Oh. That makes sense.
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Abed Nadir : The night beckons, like a finger curling and uncurling as if to say "Hey, come here".
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Abed Nadir : Something doesn't add up. If there was no forced entry, it had to be an inside job.
Annie Edison : We don't know that.
Abed Nadir : And instead of taking cash, pharmaceuticals, laptops, they take what? My Batman DVD, and one piece of oddly ornate Hebrew-themed jewelry?
Annie Edison : Nana gave it.
Abed Nadir : It's smoke. It's a ruse, a lie.
Annie Edison : Hmm?
Abed Nadir : I think I know what happened here.
Annie Edison : Abed, I...
Abed Nadir : The landlord did it. It all makes sense. Rick has keys to every apartment... means. He knows when we're coming and going... opportunity. And he was dressed as the Joker for Halloween... motive.
Annie Edison : Hmm.
Abed Nadir : Something's got to be done.
[exits]
Troy Barnes : Oh, let's not leap to thing-doing.
[door closes]
Troy Barnes : Right, Annie?
Annie Edison : [high-pitched] Uh...
[squealing]
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Officer Cackowski : [indistinct radio traffic] Sorry we couldn't get a car over here until now. Our captain was killed on duty last night.
Annie Edison : My God, I'm so sorry. Yeah. Good man... leaves behind two kids and a pregnant wife. So you're missing a Batman DVD?
Abed Nadir : My Dark Knight extended extended cut... it wasn't insured.
Officer Cackowski : Well, there's no sign of forced entry on your door or windows. You sure it wasn't just misplaced?
Annie Edison : Someone definitely broke in. Some of my jewelry's missing.
Troy Barnes : You sure about that, Annie?
Annie Edison : Mm-hmm. My necklace. It was gold, white gold, with emeralds. And my name engraved in Hebrew. It was a bat mitzvah gift from my Nana. She was a Rockette. She married a count. He was blind. He loved her for her mind.
Officer Cackowski : That's good color for the report, but I got to be honest, small stuff like this almost never turns up.
Annie Edison : Oh, no, Abed.
Officer Cackowski : We'll be in touch.
[to Annie]
Officer Cackowski : Say... you look familiar. Did I ever pretend to shoot a guy in front of you to teach you about gun safety?
[Annie nods, S02E09, Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design]
Officer Cackowski : I'm really good at faces.
[exits, door closes]
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Abed Nadir : Is it there? Does he have the DVD?
Rick : The what?
Abed Nadir : The DVD.
Annie Edison : He has it, all right. And it looks like he broke it.
[Abed growls]
Rick : Ah.
[whimpers]
Troy Barnes : [quietly to Annie] Who are you?
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Troy Barnes : It came! Our limited-edition, $299 Dark Knight DVD with bonus footage, special commentary, and a Christian Bale autograph, including a personalized message of up to four words!
Annie Edison : "Abed is Batman now, Christian Bale."
Abed Nadir : It's official.
Troy Barnes : From the man himself.
Abed Nadir : May I have that back, Annie?
[snatches DVD case from Annie's hand]
Abed Nadir : Thank you. And just to clarify, if you see this lying out, I'm still using it, so you don't have to take it to the kitchen, dump it out, and wash the bowl.
Annie Edison : Is this about your buttered noodles?
Abed Nadir : I didn't say that.
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Annie Edison : Abed, wait! Wait. I did it. I stepped on your DVD, and it broke, and I staged a break-in to cover it up.
Abed Nadir : If that were true, you would've come forward a long time ago. You're lying to keep me out of danger. But there can be no peace while crime spits and dances on the grave of justice to the hot beats of infectious rhythms of all that is wrong.
Annie Edison : Oh!
[Abed attaches his grappling hook to the landing]
Troy Barnes : Just... Use your foot.
[Abed crosses the railing and begins to lower himself]
Annie Edison , Troy Barnes : Ooh, ooh, ooh! You're okay... okay. Ooh!
[Abed falls]
Annie Edison , Troy Barnes : Abed... Oh! Oh!
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Troy Barnes : You have got to come clean, okay? I don't know what he's doing in there, but it feels dramatic.
Annie Edison : I'm sure he's already moved on to some other obsession.
[Abed emerges dressed as Batman]
Annie Edison : Oh, look. Fun!
Abed Nadir : [gravelly voice] The police are powerless. I must take justice into my own hands. Men like Rick operate above the law. But there's something else above the law... bats... and me.
Annie Edison : Abed, don't do anything drastic.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, maybe we should all just take a step back and...
[sentimentally]
Troy Barnes : Aw, is that the grappling hook I got you for Christmas?
Abed Nadir : The night beckons.
