- Juliette Silverton: [after finding a raccoon in their garbage] Don't arrest him, he's just hungry.
- Nick Burkhardt: Yeah, well, he's a rodent, and he should be eating what rodents eat.
- Juliette Silverton: He's not a rodent. We're all mammals here.
- Nick Burkhardt: Well, I'm not eating what he's eating.
- Juliette Silverton: Sure you are. You just got to it first.
- Monroe: You start messing with the status quo, there are some people who might not be exactly sanguine about that. And what I am doing with you is definitely messing with the status quo.
- Nick Burkhardt: I'm not going to ask for any more of your help.
- Monroe: Screw that. I'm not running. You ask me for all the help you need. I've never been much of a status quo kind of guy. And next time, we'll be ready for them.
- Sgt. Wu: He thinks it might have been a disgruntled customer. Apparently his boss was a terror. Nobody liked him. He said, and I quote, "I'm surprised somebody didn't stick a tire iron in him before this". Actually, that was a paraphrase. I left out the bad language because I couldn't write that fast.
- Nick Burkhardt: You ever seen one of these?
- [Shows Monroe a drawing]
- Monroe: A Mauzhertz. Pretty favorable likeness actually, given the subject.
- Nick Burkhardt: Well, I think I saw one and he could be involved in a murder.
- Monroe: There's a reason you people never wrote about them. They never do anything worth writing about. This whole cartoon thing they got going, such a racket.
- Nick Burkhardt: So they're harmless?
- Monroe: Yeah. I mean you say "Boo" and they scurry off to their safety zones. They're very predictable that way.
- Nick Burkhardt: What about a Lausenschlange?
- Monroe: Lausenschlange? You saw a snake dude and lived to tell about it? Let me tell you, what you don't want to do is leave a Lausenschlange alone with a Mauzhertz. That is a recipe for dessert.
- Hank Griffin: I hate places like this.
- Nick Burkhardt: Why? It's just stuff.
- Hank Griffin: Nah, it's people's lives falling apart. What's left when the good times are over. The stuff of dreams.
- Nick Burkhardt: Thanks. Now I'm creeped out.