Community (TV Series)
Geography of Global Conflict (2011)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
-
Jeff Winger : Annie, stop! You're acting like a little schoolgirl and not in a hot way!
-
Jeff Winger : Abed! What did I tell you? You can't just mumble nonsense. No one's cutting away.
-
Annie Edison : Don't look at me... If embarrassment were bountiful zinc deposits, I'd be Zambia.
Jeff Winger : There's nothing to be Zambia about, Annie.
-
Jeff Winger : Okay, ah, that made me sound creepy. But - but here's the thing...
[leaves the room]
-
Jeff Winger : Listen, when you really hate someone the way you hate Annie Kim, or... when you feel the way I feel about you, the easy loophole through the creepiness and danger is to treat them like a child. "Chip off the old block", "You're the best, kiddo". It's a crutch. It's a way for me to tell you how important you are... from a distance.
-
Jeff Winger : Wow, Annie. How progressive of you to have a multicultural evil twin.
Pierce Hawthorne : An Asian Annie. Obama's America.
Annie Edison : Her name is Annie Kim, and she's not evil. She's my friend.
Abed Nadir : Didn't look like it.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, you seemed pretty competitive with her.
Pierce Hawthorne : You be careful, Annie. They are ruthless.
Britta Perry : [the group is shocked] What?
Pierce Hawthorne : What? Not Asians. Women.
-
Annie Edison : [Trying to smile] You know what's funny? This is so silly. Remember little Annie Kim from poli-sci? Boy, she just took my Model UN idea and just...
[Annie holds up a flyer]
Annie Edison : Pfft! Heh, heh, heh. She is quite the little go-getter.
Jeff Winger : Wait, what? She stole your idea?
Pierce Hawthorne : Sneak attack. That's just like--
[the group stares at him]
Pierce Hawthorne : Not women, Asians.
-
Jeff Winger : Pardon me, Professor "Clig-oris." "Cli-goris?"
Professor Cligoris : Either pronunciation is fine.
-
Jeff Winger : Pierce.
Pierce Hawthorne : I'm offended you would single me out.
Annie Edison : Did you read up on your country's info-packet?
Pierce Hawthorne : Yes. Somalia has 1,900 miles of coastline, a government that knows its place, and all the guns and wives you can afford to buy. Why have I never heard of this paradise before?
Troy Barnes : I studied up on my country.
[in a southern accent]
Troy Barnes : Is it okay if we do accents, sugar?
Jeff Winger : Troy, Georgia the country, not the state.
Troy Barnes : [accent continues] That's right. Capital city Tbilisi, and former member of the Soviet Union. And we kindly request y'all mind your Ps and Qs.
Professor Cligoris : Welcome to the world's first ever model U.N.-off.
[applause]
Professor Cligoris : You will each be scored on your U.N.'s ability to pass resolutions, follow procedure, and maintain order. The end goal, of course, total world peace. Any questions?
Abed Nadir : Does two U.N.s mean there are two earths?
Professor Cligoris : Uh, yeah. Sure, two earths.
Abed Nadir : Parallel earths in different galaxies or identical earths in parallel dimensions?
Professor Cligoris : The latter one.
Abed Nadir : Well, what does that say about free will?
Annie Edison : Abed! Professor.
Professor Cligoris : Right, yeah, let's begin. Ready, set, peace.
[gunshot]
-
Jeff Winger : Uruguay agrees.
Pierce Hawthorne : Uruguay sounds like "you're a gay."
Troy Barnes : [continues southern accent] Backyard barbecue!
Jeff Winger : Uruguay kindly requests that Somalia stop pronouncing it "you're a gay."
-
Jeff Winger : But now you're becoming this mature, self possesed, intelligent young woman and I can't keep patting you on the head or talking down to you.
Annie Edison : But I like how close we are. I don't wanna grow up if it means losing what we have.
Jeff Winger : Well, tough, Annie. You have to grow up because the world needs more women like you. We can't keep doing this forever, kiddo?
Annie Edison : Can't we?
-
Jeff Winger : Wow, Annie. How progressive of you to have a multicultural evil twin.
Pierce Hawthorne : An Asian Annie. Obama's America.
Annie Edison : Her name is Annie Kim, and she's not evil. She's my friend.
Abed Nadir : Didn't look like it.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, you seemed pretty competitive with her.
Pierce Hawthorne : You be careful, Annie. They are ruthless.
Annie Edison , Britta Perry , Shirley Bennett : [Gasps] What?
Pierce Hawthorne : What? Not Asians.
[scoffs]
Pierce Hawthorne : Women.
