Family Guy (TV Series)

Thanksgiving (2011)

Scott Grimes: Kevin Swanson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kevin Swanson : In some ways, Army life in Iraq is what you'd expect, what with the blistering heat, the constant sense of impending danger, and the one gay soldier awkwardly avoiding the use of pronouns.

  Soldier : [in a flashback, looking at a picture, talking to the other soldiers]  Man, I sure miss my sweetheart back home. I can't wait to get back to that person.

• Kevin Swanson : I don't trust that turkey those Iraqis made.

  Soldier 1 : Ah, you're all wet, Swanson. I call the white meat!

  Soldier 2 : I call the dark meat!

  Soldier 3 : I call the cell phone duct-taped to the side!

  Kevin Swanson : NOOOOOO!

  [the turkey explodes] 

• Kevin Swanson : Well, I'm sorry you all feel the way you do, but I walked away from an illegal war of aggression being fought six-thousand miles away from our shores.

  Carter Pewterschmidt : Better there than here where all my stuff is.

  Peter Griffin : So what, you figured you'd just let 'em get away with Nine-Eleven?

  Kevin Swanson : Mr. Griffin, Iraq had nothing to do with Nine-Eleven, and the war we started in Iraq has killed a half a million of their people, which is, like, two-hundred Nine-Elevens!

  Glenn Quagmire : So, I guess those moments of silence we had at those sporting events meant nothing to you?