Conan (TV Series)

World War Wheeee! (2011)

Nick Griffin: Self - Comic Guest

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : The difference between a breakup and a divorce is the difference between getting scratched by a cat and raped by a bear.

  [audience laughter] 

  Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : It hurts more. I don't hate bears now, I'm just suspicious of them.

• Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : [about divorce]  It's just an adjustment, you know? You go from really loving a person to really not.

  [audience laughter] 

  Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : Just little things at the end would bug the crap out of me. Like, she'd wake up in the morning. That's it.

• Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : Why would you have a kid if it wasn't working out? You don't invite someone to a party that sucks.

  [audience laughter] 

  Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : I don't call my friend and say "Hey, we ran out of beer and the chicks left. Come on over."

• Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : You know why I don't date younger women? 'Cause no matter what I say to a younger woman, it sounds creepy in my head.

  [audience laughter] 

  Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : I think it's 'cause I have gray hair. You have gray hair, you talk to young women, it sounds creepy. It just does. It doesn't even matter what the words are, they can be innocent. I can say "Can I buy you a drink?". You know what I hear? "Want some candy?"

  [audience laughter] 

  Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : "Get in the van."

• Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : I don't want to be in a serious relationship. 'Cause I'm like a lot of men. I live in a fantasy world. I'm deluded. I'm afraid I'm going to get into a serious relationship and then I'm gonna miss out on a bunch of fun stuff. I know it's stupid, but that's how I think. I'm afraid I'm gonna commit and then someone's gonna go "You want to play in the Super Bowl?" God damn it!

  [audience laughter] 

  Nick Griffin - Comic Guest : "I can't. I'm in a serious relationship."