Family Guy (TV Series)
And I'm Joyce Kinney (2011)
Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Ellen DeGeneres, Church Goer #2, Tina Fey
Photos
Quotes
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Lois Griffin : It was back in a disgusting period known as the early 80s. It was a time when women would stand topless, high on coke, on the edge of hotel balconies while the curtains were billowing around them... I think there was actually more wind then.
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Pastor : [after he finds out Lois was in a pornographic film] You are no longer welcome here, Lois Griffin.
Lois Griffin : But Father, I've been a member of this church for...
Pastor : Leave this house of God!
Lois Griffin : But I love the church. It's an important part of my life.
Pastor : Maybe you should have thought about that before you made a porn.
Lois Griffin : But Father, I didn't mea... wait, did you say "a porn"?
Pastor : Yes.
Lois Griffin : Oh. Well, that's kind of weird.
Pastor : What?
Lois Griffin : Well, I mean you gotta say "you made porn" or "you made a porno". You don't say "made a porn", it hits the ear wrong.
Pastor : Oh, God, have I been saying it wrong this whole time?
[the altar boys nod]
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Priest : Let me remind you all that this Saturday at 5:00 p.m., we'll have vespers, not to be confused with with the Italian motor scooter.
[the congregation laughs politely, with Lois cackling audibly louder]
Lois Griffin : Vespers!
Priest : And don't forget, next weekend we will have the Sunday afternoon family picnic, as God said to Noah, weather permitting.
[more polite laughter and Lois' loud cackling]
Lois Griffin : Stop it!
Priest : And another reminder, when you arrive to Mass, please do not park behind the rectory. As the Corinthians said to the Galatians, "That's my land."
Lois Griffin : [roaring with laughter again] Oh, ho, ho! Look out, Gallagher!
Peter Griffin : Stop kissing ass.
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Lois Griffin : [getting a tour of the television news station] Oh, this is all so fascinating. You must have so many stories.
Joyce Kinney : Well, look, If you want to grab a drink with me later tonight, I'd be happy to tell you some.
Lois Griffin : Oh, my God, I would love to. Look at me, huh? Stepping out on the town with a big celebrity.
Joyce Kinney : Well, I think you're exaggerating.
Lois Griffin : No, you're a lady big shot, like Miss Piggy.
[cut to backstage at "The Muppet Show", where Kermit has a black eye, bandages around where his ribs would be, and is on crutches]
Fozzie Bear : Hey, Kermit, what happened to the "Bears in Space" sketch?
Kermit the Frog : Sorry, it's "Pigs in Space" now. There's been a change.
Fozzie Bear : What?
Kermit the Frog : There's been a change!
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Lois Griffin : [bumping into Joyce at the store] Excuse me, Ms. Kinney? I don't mean to bother you, but my name is Lois Griffin. I-I am a huge fan, and I just think you are doing a fantastic job. And after what I went through with Diane Simmons, well, let me just say it's nice to be standing here with no one trying to murder me.
Stewie Griffin : [in the cart, with one of his ray guns aimed at her] Yeah, no, you're fine.