- Gupta: India is the largest democracy in the world. We invented chess, geometry and tandoori. When Colombus discovered your country, he was looking for Indian and our spices.
- Charlie Davies: Well, I can see how he got confused because there were already Indians in America.
- Gupta: No, Charlie, those Indians... bigger fish to fry. Let's get back to the flashcards.
- [holds up a picture of the God, Shiva]
- Charlie Davies: That's the God, Shiva: destroyer, transformer. Kind of looks like the dude from "Avatar".
- Gupta: Many of them do. A lawsuit is pending.
- [holds up a picture of the Taj Mahal]
- Charlie Davies: My gut is telling me Temple of Doom, but I'm going to say Taj Mahal because I think it's a trick question.
- Gupta: Very good.
- [holds up a picture of a decorated cow]
- Charlie Davies: That's a cow in drag.
- Gupta: No, Charlie, the cow is decorated because it is sacred. We revere the cow for the milk it provides.
- Charlie Davies: It also provides meat. Why can't you worship it for that?
- Gupta: Think about it this way: when the cow is alive it can feed many people. When it is dead, it can only feed a few.
- Charlie Davies: Huh, I never thought about it like that.
- [Gupta hold up a picture of Mahatma Ghandi]
- Charlie Davies: Pass.
- Gupta: If you knew a famous Indian, it would probably be him.
- Charlie Davies: Wait a minute, is that that guy over there.
- Gupta: No, it is not that man.
- Jerry Stern: I know I wasn't the perfect husband, but is it a crime to pay another woman to give you the affection that your wife is withholding from you?
- Todd Dempsy: Yes.
- Jerry Stern: I know it was a crime, but is it a "crime" crime?
- Rajiv Gidwani: Yes, yes.
- Jerry Stern: Well, at least I came clean. What did I get? Her and that therapist ganging up on me. Telling me ever time I got a problem, I run away and get drunk.
- Todd Dempsy: Jerry, you came to India and got drunk.
- Jerry Stern: This is a business trip, Todd. You sound just like Nancy. I swear, I don't know what to do to make that woman happy.
- Rajiv Gidwani: Stop drinking liquor and going to prostitutes!
- Charlie Davies: America. We invented the light bulb, the computer, the swimsuit issue, spring break, the spork, hard shell tacos and the Beatles. USA.
- Gupta: Ask away.
- Charlie Davies: Tell me about this man.
- [holds up a picture of Martin Sheen]
- Gupta: After fighting in Vietnam, he went on to become one of America's most beloved presidents.
- Charlie Davies: Okay, curveball coming.
- [holds up a picture of Texas]
- Gupta: Mexico?
- Charlie Davies: Close enough. I also would have accepted California or Arizona. All right, where is this?
- [holds up a picture of the "Eiffel Tower"]
- Gupta: [hesitates] Paris... Paris Hotel Casino in Las Vegas?
- Charlie Davies: Correct. In Paris, people don't drink out of yard-long plastic cups.
- Gupta: Got it.
- Charlie Davies: Now, let's test your knowledge of American dogs.
- [starts throwing up flashcards quickly]
- Gupta: Hot dog. Corn dog. Chili dog. Snoop Dogg.
- Charlie Davies: Very good.