John Dies at the End (2012)

Rob Mayes: John

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dave : [into to phone]  Who is this?

  John : [on the phone]  It's John. Can you hear me?

  Dave : [whispering]  I can hear you and I can see you. You're sitting right here next to me.

  John : Well then, just talk to me in person then. Oh wait, do I look injured in any way?

  Dave : What?

  John : Shh. I'm sorry, I gotta go. Say hello to me...

  John : [across the table]  Was that me?

• John : Uhhhh... check between the sausage and the bun. You should find a hundred dollar bill rolled up in there.

  Dave : [looks between sausage and bun]  There's no money in the bratwurst. It's just a piece of lettuce.

  John : OK.

  [pause] 

  John : Do you have your ATM card?

• John : Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

  Dave : That if Franz Kafka was here, his head would explode?

  John : Actually, yeah.

• Dave : [answers second call from John]  Hello?

  John : Hey, this is John. Your pimp says, bring the crack shipment tonight or he'll be forced to stick you. Meet him where we buried the Korean whore, the one *without* the goatee.

  Dave : [v.o]  That was John's code. It meant, "Bring your gear and come to my place as soon as you can. It's important."

  Dave : John, it's three in the morning, man.

  John : Oh, and don't forget: tomorrow's the day we kill the president.

  Dave : John.

  [the phone beeps as John ends the call] 

  Dave : [v.o]  That last part was code for, "Stop and pick me up some beer on the way."

  [turns off phone] 

• John : [while being taken to the Mall of the Dead, John suddenly wakes up]  Man! Where are we?

  Dave : We're in some liquor truck and we're on our way to the abandoned mall on Highway 59.

  John : Did you say we going to the mall, or coming back from it?

  Dave : Going!

  John : Yeah, that's right, because F-f-fred's still alive.

  Fred Chu : What?

  John : Nothing, nothing. I... got a headache.

• John : Women love to play games, don't they?

  Dave : It's all they have time for.

• John : [through Bark Lee to Dave]  You don't choose the Soy Sauce; the Soy Sauce chooses you!