- Brick Heck: You brought home the wrong baby? How could you not know it wasn't me?
- Mike Heck: I figured your mom would know. Mothers are supposed to know those things.
- Frankie Heck: Oh, so it's my fault? You're the one who had to watch the game. I was all drugged up. They could've put a turkey in my arms and I would've taken it home.
- Brick Heck: Here's a list of everyone's food allergies and dietary restrictions. We all voted on peanut butter cake, except for two kids who will die if they go anywhere near it.
- Frankie Heck: You invited twenty-five kids to the party, but everything comes in packs of twenty-four. We're not gonna buy a whole extra set just for one kid, so you're gonna have to uninvite someone.
- Brick Heck: I can't.
- Frankie Heck: Come on, there's always one kid nobody wants at the party.
- Brick Heck: That's me, Mom.
- Frankie Heck: Well, thank you all for coming to Brick's birthday party. Brick thought it'd be fun to start with some quiet reading time here, and then later we'll all walk to the library.
- [children groan]
- Frankie Heck: Hey, you think Brick wanted to play in the bouncey house at your party? Or race go-karts at your party? Well, this is Brick's party, so suck it up and start reading.