- Berta: [after walking in on Alan masturbating] Aw, jeez, Zippy! What are you doing with the pudding?
- Alan Harper: I thought you were planning on bringing her back here.
- Charlie Harper: And yet, you were twanging your magic clanger right in the middle of the living room.
- Michelle: You broke up with Sarah so you could hook up with her roommate?
- Shauna: No, no. We're all hooking up together, but then Sarah got all weird, even though it was her idea.
- Charlie Harper: Don't ya just hate that?
- [Michelle looks at Charlie and Charlie gives her a weird look, he then takes a drink of wine]
- Michelle: Are you telling me that the three of you had sex together?
- Shauna: Hey! You're the one who said I should explore all of my options in life!
- Michelle: I was talking about grad school, not threesomes!