- Nathan: Yeah, so my mum opens the door and she's like 'ahhhhh!' And I'm like 'I'm immortal!', and then she fainted, face plants on the radiator. There's blood and teeth everywhere.
- Kelly: Is she all right?
- Nathan: Yeah, she's fine. Apart from the whole... face.
- Curtis Donovan: How did you tell it to your dad?
- Nathan: I told him I faked my death as part of an elaborate life insurance scam. He was not a happy man.
- Simon Bellamy: You expect me to tell you anything after how you've treated me? After all the names you've called me?
- Nathan: What names?
- Simon Bellamy: Weird kid. Panty sniffer. Virgin. Freak. Twat. Pervert. Paedophile... Melon fucker! I just want to be your friend.
- Nathan: Sure, man.
- Simon Bellamy: We should set up a password, then we can say it to each other so we know it's us.
- Nathan: Monkeyslut!
- Alisha: We're not having Monkeyslut as a password.
- Nathan: What are the chances of that being used in a normal conversation? Kinda low, no?
- Kelly: Awww, just go with it... Monkeyslut!
- Nathan: [pumps fist] Yeeeaahhhh!
- Curtis Donovan: It's a wind-up. Who uses a paper aeroplane?
- Kelly: Well, whoever it is, they're going to get a slap.
- Simon Bellamy: I - I don't think you should slap them.
- Curtis Donovan: To her, that's like saying hello.
- Kelly: Are you trying to say something, yeah?
- Curtis Donovan: No...
- Curtis Donovan: [Nathan wakes up out of the coffin] What the fuck?
- Nathan: You should see the looks on your faces. Classic! Hey guess what? I'm immortal! Can you believe this shit? I've told you I had a power. Oh, looks like they saved the best for last, huh? Immortality... that's off the A-list.
- Shaun: They told me you were dead.
- Nathan: Really?
- [checks his pulse]
- Nathan: Apparently not. Could a dead man do this?
- [dances, hits his head on his locker]
- Shaun: Well, I'll put you back in the system.
- Nathan: What? I was out of the system? I was a free man? If I didn't show up, no one would've come looking for me?
- Shaun: [shrugs] We thought you were dead.
- Nathan: Hey, no offense. A lot of people say I'm mentally ill but obviously I'm not, because I'm over here, and you're over there... with the other crazies.
- Nathan: Uuuugh. I don't know what is going on with my guts. It's all hot-cross buns and Easter eggs when Jesus gets resurrected.
- Nathan Young: So basically... he's had a blowjob off your girlfriend, and you haven't...
- Curtis Donovan: Shut up man, it wasn't her...
- Nathan Young: It looked like her...
- Curtis Donovan: It wasn't her...
- Nathan Young: It had her mouth...
- Curtis Donovan: Wasn't her brain...
- Nathan Young: Who cares about her brain when your balls are resting on her chin!
- Curtis Donovan: [holding bat to Nathan's face] Say another word. I dare you. Do it!
- Nathan Young: [guffaws] I didn't do anything... be angry with him.
- Simon Bellamy: [stuttering] ... I-I didn't know what was happening... she-she just... and then she... before I knew it, she was...
- Nathan Young: Sucking your cock!
- Nathan: The siren call of the blowjob renders all men powerless. That's how girls trick ya into marryin' them!
- Simon Bellamy: Do you like food?
- Alisha: Do I like food?
- Simon Bellamy: I mean, eating. We could go for a pizza, and some garlic dough balls.
- Alisha: Are you asking me out?
- Simon Bellamy: [nods] I think about you. Not just since you...
- Alisha: You think about me? Have you been wanking over me? If you wank over someone, wank over Kelly, yeah? Freak.
- Simon Bellamy: Why are you doing this to me?
- Kelly Bailey: So if you're not dead, how come you smell so bad?
- Nathan Young: I appear to have shat myself.