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Quotes
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Anthony DiNozzo : I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe being a cop isn't for me.
[Gibbs slaps the back of DiNozzo's head]
Anthony DiNozzo : Huh? Did you just physically assault me?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : I don't have a lot of rules. But rule #5 is, "you don't waste good." You're good.
Anthony DiNozzo : Thanks... don't make a habit of that.
[DiNozzo realizes they're by Human Resources]
Anthony DiNozzo : Did I mention you're a devious man, Gibbs?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : "Boy, I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals."
Anthony DiNozzo : Butch Cassidy. That's nice.
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Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : [Reading McGee's report] "Retinal scanner uses wave-front sensing reflection points. "
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Heh.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : "Correlates the data using 8 point spread function."
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Yeah.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : "Rasterizes the pupil. Conjugate geometry."
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Was I too technical?
[Gibbs drops the report in the trash]
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Abby Sciuto : What if the killer's trying to tell us he's gonna come after our friends? I mean, Tony knew the victim.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : Not just Tony. I knew him, too.
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Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : That was the plan. Until you screwed it up.
Anthony DiNozzo : [laugh] Me? Listen here. You're the one that didn't tell the department that your, uh, N-C-I-S was running an op.
Detective Danny Price : Or read our dispatch. We had a BOLO out on Joey for two days.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : Yeah, I know.
Anthony DiNozzo : You knew?... Well then, what the hell were you doing, running around risking -?
[Tony laughs in realization]
Anthony DiNozzo : Really? You wanted to get arrested. We didn't screw anything up for him. You're a new face on the street. What's the best way to earn instant bona fides than, uh - getting pinched?
[DiNozzo chuckles]
Anthony DiNozzo : A Navy guy. I don't like getting played. Having said that, well played. Very Donnie Brasco, actually.
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Dr. Donald Mallard : [about the murder victim] Did he have any previous Naval experience?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : He was a reservist before he joined the police.
Dr. Donald Mallard : I suppose it is possible that Anthony's relation to him is, uh... merely coincidental.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : You wanna bet, Duck?
Dr. Donald Mallard : Nothing I care to lose.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [Taking a suspect into custody] You have the right to remain silent or I can shut you up myself!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : Take it easy, DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : You also have the right to an attorney so he can tell you how you weren't hugged enough as a child.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I'm more worried about Abby's theory that the Port-to-Port killer's targeting our friends. Can't protect them all.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : We protect them by catching the killer - same as you did before.
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Ziva David : [after interviewing a cracked-out junkie who saw the getaway car] That was a waste! He had nothing to add to his statement about the robbery at the bakery. And I'm not going back in there unless it is absolutely fumigated!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : Twice.
Dr. Donald Mallard : Jethro! Oh, thank goodness I found you.
[walks past the interrogation room]
Dr. Donald Mallard : Whoa! Wh-what is that smell?
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Abby Sciuto : How on Earth did you -?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : Rule #35.
Abby Sciuto , Special Agent Timothy McGee : Always watch the watchers.
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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Pacci, you get that other thing for me?
NCIS Agent Chris Pacci : Yeah. Detective DiNozzo's personnel file right here.
[Pacci puts the file on Gibbs's desk]
NCIS Agent Chris Pacci : You need anything else? Because I gotta head to the Infirmary. My ulcer's killing me again. I'm telling you, this stomach is going to be the death of me.
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Anthony DiNozzo : [Walks off elevator and into the bullpen] Hey, guys! Tell me you've seen it.
Ziva David : And good morning to you, too, Tony.
Anthony DiNozzo : Actually it's the worst morning in the history of mornings. My phone! Tell me you've seen it.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Lost your cell, huh? Ouch.
Ziva David : Well, you are a very capable investigator. Why don't you just investigate.
Anthony DiNozzo : Yes.
[Proceeds to yank out the drawers from his desk, pouring all the contents onto the floor]
Ziva David : [Gibbs walks in and stares at Tony, who freezes and stares back] Uh, Tony is just...
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : I don't want to know.
[Tony tosses aside the empty drawer and carries on searching]
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Anthony DiNozzo : Well, it's confirmed, he's a cop. A Navy cop. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
Detective Danny Price : Oops. We're sorry. Maybe next time, you'll remember your identification.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : You don't do a lot of undercover work, do you?
Anthony DiNozzo : Do you? You just got arrested.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : I let you arrest me.
Anthony DiNozzo : Let?
[laughs]
Anthony DiNozzo : Who you kidding? I chased you half a block, and I had you like a gazelle on the Serengeti. Am I wrong?
Detective Danny Price : No.
Anthony DiNozzo : No. So what am I supposed to call you, Special Agent, uh, Leroy?
Detective Danny Price : Mm-hmm?
Anthony DiNozzo : Jethro?
Detective Danny Price : Jethro? Mm
Anthony DiNozzo : That's a little Beverly Hillbillies. Gibbs it is, I guess.
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Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : DiNozzo.
[Tony is crawling by his desk]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : What the hell are you doing?
Anthony DiNozzo : I lost my phone. You haven't seen it?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : [Pulls out a phone and throws it to Tony] Use mine.
Anthony DiNozzo : [Looks at the phone] Wow, that's heavy. I need something with a computer on it so I can program ringtones. Otherwise I don't... 'Cause I have a... It's ringing.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : Answer it.
Anthony DiNozzo : Special Agent Gibbs' desk. This is Very Special Agent Anthony DiNo... Oh, hey. Where? Okay. Dead guy. Navy Lodge.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs : Let's go.
Anthony DiNozzo : [Tosses phone back to Gibbs] Here you go.
[Gibbs offers it back to him]
Anthony DiNozzo : That's very nice of you, but I'm good.