- Señor Chang: Man, Math Club has gotten a lot better since last year.
- Jeff Winger: Obviously they were practicing while the rest of us went on dates!
- Señor Chang: Hold on, I have a plan. Math Club!
- Math Club Leader: Yeah?
- Señor Chang: I'm Asian. You guys Asian?
- Math Club Leader: That's pretty racist man!
- Señor Chang: That wasn't a no. I'm coming over. Don't shoot me, shoot him. He's white and he's out of ammo.
- Troy Barnes: [Dean hands the keys to Troy who opens the closet to see tons and tons of paintballs] Now this is more like it.
- Jeff Winger: OK, Black Rider. Now let's see who's attractive.
- Troy Barnes: Dude, you have a problem.
- Abed Nadir: Jeff wants to see you.
- Annie Edison: Yeah? And I want pants. A lot of people want a lot of things.
- Jeff Winger: I'm not risking my butt hauling ammo back for the guy who has Vicki dancing for twinkies.
- Pierce Hawthorne: She's a dance major, Jeff. She loves twinkies.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Ah, my study group. How long has it been?
- Abed Nadir: 5 hours?
- Pierce Hawthorne: Too long. Welcome to Fort Hawthorne.
- Annie Edison: How is this even possible?
- Pierce Hawthorne: It began with a dream, Annie. A dream and an impulse to hide in the men's room. I found that people were willing to roll bullets underneath the door just for the right to take a dump. By the way, for you guys, taking a dump's on the house. Or if you prefer, relax and catch a show.
- [He motions toward Vicki, who is standing on a table, dancing]
- Jeff Winger: This is insane.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Don't worry, Jeff. I've also got someone more your speed.
- [He motions toward Garrett, who is standing on a table, dancing]
- Leonard: Because you're gay.
- Annie Edison: Who are you?
- Black Rider: I'm the bad guy.
- Annie Edison: Stop trying to fluster me with your handsomeness. You're creepy.
- Black Rider: Then why's your chest getting all flushed?
- Annie Edison: It's a rash, I'm allergic to beans. Look, do you even go to school here?
- Black Rider: Sorry, I get paid to shoot paintballs honey, not the breeze.
- Abed Nadir: I heard you never shoot an unarmed man.
- Annie Edison: Whoever started that rumor didn't eat my beans.
- Abed Nadir: Then I guess it's lucky for me I'm not unarmed.
- [Abed pulls his pistol out from under his poncho]
- Abed Nadir: Seeing as I'm... eating your beans.
- Jeff Winger: Black Rider, it's Jeff Winger! I know you've heard of me by now.
- Black Rider: No.
- Jeff Winger: He's lying.
- Shirley Bennett: I hope we find this cache of ammunition soon, I need to pump.
- Troy Barnes: Me too. You're talkin' about peeing, right?
- Shirley Bennett: No.
- Troy Barnes: Me neither.
- Jeff Winger: What have you heard about Pierce?
- Annie Edison: I hear he's still alive, holed up near the cafeteria.
- Jeff Winger: Well, I hear he has more paint than a French kindergarten.
- Annie Edison: Are you talking about the handsome, blonde cowboy with the big guns? Is that guy a student? Who is he?
- Troy Barnes: We just call him the Black Rider.
- Annie Edison: Okay, but he's not really riding anything...
- Troy Barnes: Look, I don't name people, Annie. I'm a deputy. I deputize.
- Jeff Winger: You think Pierce has? Annie, let's not rehash this. The guy's been a jerk all year.
- Annie Edison: He's a jerk because we exclude him.
- Jeff Winger: We exclude him because he's a jerk. And the last time I checked, you were the last one feeling sorry about it.
- Annie Edison: I guess I'm still waiting for you guys to come around.
- Jeff Winger: Likewise.