- Jeff Winger: This proves you are a kidnapper. What the hell is wrong with you?
- Señor Chang: I'm nuts, Jeff! Get with the program!
- Troy Barnes: Britta, there's a difference between telling us a guy likes nipple play and telling us a guy makes hats out of babies!
- Andre Bennett: [to Shirley] But you took me back, because while I was gone, somehow you learned to accept the bad with the good.
- Jeff Winger: Oh, that's the Greendale effect. Our school motto is "lower your standards."
- Señor Chang: Come on, don't leave me hanging, my main mentor.
- Jeff Winger: Oh, hey, is that a reason to leave?
- [Jeff looks past Chang]
- Señor Chang: [Chang turns to look] Hm?
- [Jeff quickly turns and exits]
- Police Officer: You're free to go. Here's your wallet, keys and pasties.
- Jeff Winger: They're nipple guards for running. Olympic athletes use them.
- Police Officer: Buddy, I worked at a maximum-security prison for seven years and, those are still the gayest thing I've seen.
- Jeff Winger: Well, I find that hard to believe.
- Britta Perry: What? He asked me out.
- Abed Nadir: You're not allowed.
- Britta Perry: Britta: Not allowed?
- Troy Barnes: You'll ruin him.
- Britta Perry: I'll ruin him?
- Abed Nadir: Stop repeating.
- Britta Perry: Stop rep... primanding me and explain why I'll ruin him.
- Troy Barnes: Britta, you date guys that we think are cool, and when you don't like them, you tell us horrible things about them that we can never unhear.
- Britta Perry: Name one guy I did that with.
- Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes: [overlapping] Carl, Todd, Kyle, Richard. Jeff. Fred. Tall Kyle. Jeff.
- Britta Perry: Jeff? I ruined Jeff?
- Troy Barnes: [sarcastically] Oh, you mean Jeff "Nipple Play" Winger?
- Britta Perry: Lukka's a monster for realsies. I did this so you guys would stop hanging out with him. He's a war criminal!
- Abed Nadir: You're embarrassing yourself, Britta.
- Troy Barnes: In what war is he a criminal? The battle for our affections?