Community (TV Series)

Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas (2010)

Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir

Photos 

Quotes 

• Abed Nadir : We're in the carol canyon. The plants here give off Christmas carols instead of oxygen.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Will walking through here be expensive?

  Abed Nadir : No, it's all public domain.

• Abed Nadir : The meaning of Christmas is that we give it meaning. To me, it used to mean being with my mom. Now, I guess it means being with you guys. Thanks, Lost.

• Abed Nadir : [opens present]  It's the first season of Lost on DVD.

  Pierce Hawthorne : That's the meaning of Christmas?

  Abed Nadir : It's a metaphor. It represents lack of payoff.

• Professor Ian Duncan : Now, how many fingers am I holding up? And, more importantly, are they still made of clay?

  Abed Nadir : Three, and I told you, we're not clay. We're silicone dolls with foam bodies over ball-and-socket armatures.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Fascinating. And publishable. And you say you have no memory of this morning. You don't recall the emotional crisis that caused you to take shelter in this delusion.

  Abed Nadir : It's not a delusion.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Very, very publishable. Abed, I've been a professor of psychology here at Greendale for many years. And I think I see a solution to this that might also help you with your situation. I'd like to do extensive sessions with you, including hypnosis.

  Abed Nadir : I don't need therapy.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Nobody said you did. I just think it would benefit you and, incidentally, me to get to the real meaning of all this.

  Abed Nadir : You're right. That's it. I need to find the meaning of Christmas.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Ah. Well...

  Abed Nadir : If I can find the meaning of Christmas, everything will go back to normal.

  Jeff Winger : ...asterisk.

• Abed Nadir : My snowman talks?

  Señor Chang : I'm not a snowman, I'm Chang!

  Abed Nadir : But I made you.

  Señor Chang : Yeah, you make me cry in the shower tonight.

• Abed Nadir : So, what are we doing this year?

  Annie Edison : Well, I'm taking a relaxation course next semester and I was gonna use the break to do all the reading in advance.

• Jeff Winger : That's... wonderful. Let's get back to the magic journey and wrap up. Some of us have women to sleep with.

  Abed Nadir : You guys hear that? Humbugs.

  Troy Barnes : Humbugs?

  Abed Nadir : Yeah, a whole swarm of them. See?

  [Abed points in the direction of the squealing humbugs] 

  Abed Nadir : Everyone stay perfectly sincere. Humbugs are attracted to sarcasm.

  Jeff Winger : Wow. Somewhere out there, Tim Burton just got a boner.

  Annie Edison : Jeff, don't be sarcastic.

  Jeff Winger : Oh, are they on me now? Oh, no.

  Troy Barnes : They're eating him alive.

  Britta Perry : If only he could find the power to not be a smug douche.

  Jeff Winger : Oh, no can do. I'm just a horrible guy. Guess I'll have to go get laid.

  Annie Edison : Ooh. Can I sing this one?

  [clears her throat] 

  Annie Edison : Bitter shallow hipster / Sweater matching socks / Christmas needs more presence / than a haircut / in a box

  Troy Barnes : Annie, nice.

  Annie Edison : Get what I did with the word "presence?"

• Abed Nadir : Let's move, folks. This isn't going to be fun, easy or safe.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Shut up, Winger.

  Jeff Winger : Mm-hm.

• Abed Nadir : You guys really don't see what I'm seeing? That worries me a little.

  Britta Perry : I think it worries all of us. Is there something that we can do to help you with your situation, Abed?

  Abed Nadir : For starters you could move around more. Not much point in being animated if you don't. And I think we should commit to the format. Starting with a song.

  [all turn and look to Jeff] 

  Jeff Winger : You start. I'm sure we'll join in.

  Abed Nadir : Give me the snow / Light up the trees / Deck every hall / And wall you can see / Roast every nut / Mistle the toe / This needs to be the best Christmas since the original / Twenty thousand years from now they'll say / The most successful Christmas was today

• Abed Nadir : Merry Christmas, everybody.

  Shirley Bennett : Don't you mean season's greetings?

  Abed Nadir : Come on, Shirley, you know it's Christmas.

  Shirley Bennett : Yes, but as a modern Christian, I've learned to be sensitive to other cultures' jealousies.

• Abed Nadir : Hm. This is disappointing.

  Pierce Hawthorne : What do you care about Christmas, Abed? You're Muslim. Don't your people spend this season writing angry letters to TV Guide?

  Abed Nadir : It's true. Religiously, I'm Muslim. But I've always been a fan of Christmas. And this is the most important Christmas in the history of the universe. I'm assuming that's why we're all stop-motion animated.

  Jeff Winger : I vote we let it go.