Glee (TV Series)

Grilled Cheesus (2010)

Chris Colfer: Kurt Hummel

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mercedes Jones : How do you know for sure? You can't prove that there is no God.

  Kurt Hummel : You can't prove there isn't a magic teapot floating around the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs; but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?

  Brittany Pierce : Is God an evil dwarf?

• Mercedes Jones : You get to wear a fabulous hat.

  Kurt Hummel : You had me at fabulous hat.

• Kurt Hummel : I hope our genuflections to the great Spaghetti Monster in the sky don't take too long.

• Finn Hudson : What the hell happened?

  Kurt Hummel : My dad's in the hospital.

  Finn Hudson : I know. My mom just called me. I feel like I'm the last one to know!

  Kurt Hummel : Well, I'm sorry, Finn. It didn't occur to me to call you, because he's not your father.

  Finn Hudson : Yeah, well, he's the closest I'm ever going to get, okay? I know it may not look like what everybody else has, but I thought we were... sort of a family.

• Santana Lopez : Hey, Kurt. We're really sorry about your dad's heart attack.

  Kurt Hummel : Thanks, Santana.

  Brittany Pierce : I did a book report on heart attacks, if you want to give it to the doctor. I got knocked down an entire letter grade 'cause it was written in crayon.

• Kurt Hummel : [at his dad's hospital bedside]  Mercedes took me to church on Sunday. It's funny, but when the choir was singing, this memory flashed into my head. Do you remember our first Friday night dinner after mom died? You tried to make a chicken. I guess you wanted me to feel like there was something still normal. You put it on the table, and you cut into it, and it was raw. And we both looked at each other for a second, and cracked up before we remembered that we weren't supposed to yet. I'm sorry about the other day, dad. I should have let those guys pray for you. It wasn't about me. It was about you, and... it was nice. I don't believe in God, dad. But I believe in you.

  [tears well in his eyes] 

  Kurt Hummel : And I believe in us. You and me; that's what sacred to me. And I am... I'm so sorry that I never got to tell you that.

• Quinn Fabray : We shouldn't be talking like this. It's not right.

  Kurt Hummel : I'm sorry, Quinn. But you all can believe whatever you want to. But I can't believe something I don't. I appreciate your thoughts, but I don't want your prayers.

• Kurt Hummel : Hey, dad.

  Burt Hummel : Hey, that's my boy.

  Kurt Hummel : You forgot your breakfast. Suzanne Somers says that skipping breakfast is suicide.

  Burt Hummel : [looking in the bag Kurt hands him]  What is this?

  Kurt Hummel : It's an egg white wrap on a sprouted wheat tortilla, half a grapefruit, and a green drink.

  Burt Hummel : Where's my ususal breakfast?

  Kurt Hummel : A Coke and two Slim Jims?

  Burt Hummel : Yeah. Breakfast of champions.

  Kurt Hummel : Dad, you are not a kid anymore. You have to start taking care of yourself.

  Burt Hummel : Well, I guess with enough hot sauce, this will be all right. Thanks.

• Burt Hummel : Hey, don't forget, Friday night dinner is 6:00 instead of 7:00 this week. Carole and Finn are coming over, and she has to work the night shift.

  Kurt Hummel : I... I can't do this Friday. It's sing-along "Sound of Music" at the El Royale theater. It's a once-a-year event.

  Burt Hummel : And last week, you had to camp out early so you could be first in line for those "Grey's Anatomy" DVDs.

  Kurt Hummel : Season six, dad.

  Burt Hummel : Okay, those Friday night dinners are a ritual in our family. One your mom started.

  Kurt Hummel : I know, but I'm a teenager. Friday nights are kind of important to me. Why are you making me feel guilty about this? I, of all people, know how important the relationship is between you and Carole.

  Burt Hummel : Those dinners are more than important. They're sacred. Okay, the whole point of having something sacred is that it takes precedence over anything else you got going on.

  Kurt Hummel : Sing-along "Sound of Music" is sacred to me.

  Burt Hummel : What, you think I don't know that? Okay, wasn't I the one who bought you that Maria bonnet when you were six? Okay, the point is if you start giving up stuff like Friday night dinners, then you got nothing to hold onto. Okay, let's face it, Kurt. If we don't schedule it, then we don't hang out. If we don't hang out, then our lives, they just go right by each other. And we don't share very much.

  Kurt Hummel : I'm sorry, but I'm not missing something that I look forward to all year just for another dinner. Maybe we could do it Thursday or something.

  Burt Hummel : I got to tell you, Kurt. I'm real disappointed in you.

• Kurt Hummel : I'm very impressed with everyone's Sunday best. It's so Christ chic.

• Sue Sylvester : How's your father?

  Kurt Hummel : They say his condition is critical but stable... Good news, I guess.

  Sue Sylvester : I'm sorry for what you're going through, lady. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I guess I don't have to. I think Mary Lou Retton's, like, an orphan or something. I don't like what Schuester's doing in that classroom even more than usual but I can't go to the school board without an official complaint from a student.

  Kurt Hummel : So you want me to be your scapegoat? Mm-mmm.

  Sue Sylvester : You don't understand. I know at times I mess around with you guys for fun. I admit it- It aids digestion. But I'm not joking here. I want to be your champion.