- Lisa Simpson: But why would you keep it a secret from us all these years?
- Abraham Simpson: Well, how can I explain this to a young person? People of my generation were, you know...
- Lisa Simpson: Racist?
- Abraham Simpson: That's it!
- Lisa Simpson: Not only did we restore our familiy honor, it turns out we're one-fourth black.
- Bart Simpson: So that's why I'm so cool.
- Lisa Simpson: So that's why my jazz is so smooth.
- Homer Simpson: So that's why I earn less than my white co-workers.
- Lisa Simpson: [Researching her family tree] No, this can't be right! They're all horrible!
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, the Simpson family is a long line of horse thieves, deadbeats, horse beats, dead thieves, and even a few alcoholics.
- Lisa Simpson: There must have been a few good ancestors. Grandpa, don't you know any?
- Abraham Simpson: Not a one! Maybe the nicest was Abigail Simpson, who you know as the Pittsburgh Poisoner.
- Homer Simpson: If I were you, I wouldn't dig into the past. I lived in some of that past, and I got out for a reason.
- Lisa Simpson: I won't give up! I have to know that somewhere in the muck and the mire and the Pittsburgh Poisoners, this family had a noble spark, and I will find it! Even if I have to go back to Adam and Eve.
- Abraham Simpson: Oh, you mean Adam and Eve Simpson, or as you may know them, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
- Lisa Simpson: I can't believe the Simpsons were descended from slave owners.
- Homer Simpson: Me neither. For once, a Simpson in management.
- Marge Simpson: Homer!
- Colonel Burns: I don't like this new Viennese fad called the waltz. One-two-three, one-two-three... where's the four? There's always a four on music.
- Smithers: I'll talk to the conductor to see if he can change the time signature.
- Colonel Burns: See that you do.
- Ralph Wiggum: Martin Luther King had a dream. Dreams are where Elmo and Toy Story had a party and I was invited. Yay! My turn is over!
- Principal Skinner: One of your best, Ralphie.
- Hiram Simpson: What's for dinner tonight?
- Mabel Simpson: Possum.
- Hiram Simpson: Again? Why can't we ever have opossum?
- Mabel Simpson: Not on your salary.
- Hiram Simpson: I can't believe I buttoned my britches for this.
- Bart Simpson: [after blowing up a tree stump] Wait, here comes the mykia.
- Groundskeeper Willie: What's a mykia?
- [the stump falls on Skinner's car]
- Principal Skinner: My Kia!
- Abraham Simpson: I'm taking that secret to my grave, or urn, or medical college dissecting table, or wherever you're planning on dumping me.
- Grampa Simpson: I warn you, sweetie. Whatever is in that journal, if it's about a Simpson, it's no good.
- Grampa Simpson: Our ancestors were kicked out of Australia.
- Marge Simpson: Bart, what are you going to do for Black History Month?
- Homer Simpson: I know, you could march to Selma, and tell her she's ugly.