- Lt. Randall Disher: So what are you going to do?
- Adrian Monk: I haven't decided. I'll either go home and brood or go home and sulk. I'm leaning toward brooding.
- Natalie Teeger: What are you looking for?
- Adrian Monk: The captain said there'd be a surprise.
- Natalie Teeger: I'm the surprise! I talked to the captain this morning.
- Adrian Monk: Oh, good.
- Natalie Teeger: What... what, you're disappointed?
- Adrian Monk: No, I said, oh, good.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, you sound disappointed. What were you expecting?
- Adrian Monk: I thought it might be Joey heatherton.
- Dr. Neven Bell: [On seeing how miserable Monk is despite being reinstated] "When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers." Oscar Wilde said that.
- Adrian Monk: I can't believe I was happy before. Why didn't you tell me I was happy?
- Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, you can always quit.
- Adrian Monk: I can't quit!
- Dr. Neven Bell: Everybody will understand. You've changed, the department has changed. You've been your own boss for twelve years, it's hard to go back.
- Adrian Monk: [quietly] I can't quit.