- Sharona Fleming: Umm... I am still in Jersey, and I'm nursing again.
- Adrian Monk: Really?
- Sharona Fleming: Mm-hmm.
- Adrian Monk: But isn't Benjy 17?
- Sharona Fleming: No... I'm working as a nurse.
- Adrian Monk: Oh, well, that's different.
- Natalie Teeger: You paid her $20 a week more than me.
- Adrian Monk: She had a kid!
- Natalie Teeger: I have a kid!
- Adrian Monk: Her kid ate more.
- Natalie Teeger: Well, he can't go too far. he can't sleep without his Trudy pillow.
- Sharona Fleming: Or that special red toothbrush.
- Natalie Teeger: Or his little flossing kit.
- Sharona Fleming: Or the sound machine with that foghorn noise.
- Natalie Teeger: Actually, that one broke. And they discontinued the model.
- Sharona Fleming: Really? What did you do?
- Natalie Teeger: I went out and bought an actual foghorn and made my own tape. I'm not kidding. I have an actual foghorn sitting in my garage.
- Sharona Fleming: Adrian, do you mind if she calls you "Adrian?"
- Adrian Monk: Of course not. Why would I mind?
- Natalie Teeger: Okay... Adrian.
- Adrian Monk: Yeah, see I don't like it.
- Natalie Teeger: Me either.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I love Natalie. And I love Sharona, too. They're wonderful women. You got lucky twice. But together they're like bourbon and vodka. I love them both, but I can't have them at the same meal because they don't mix. These women are so different, Monk. They're going to tear you apart like a piece of saltwater taffy.
- Adrian Monk: I know, I've been a piece of taffy all day. Natalie's been acting like Mary, Queen of Scotts. She wants more money. I mean, she won't lay down in the dirt when I ask her. I'm losing her.
- Adrian Monk: Hey.
- Sharona Fleming: Mm.
- Adrian Monk: You still got it.
- Sharona Fleming: It's like riding a bike.
- Adrian Monk: Oh, man.
- Sharona Fleming: A very clean, very unusual, very sad bike.
- [Monk, Natalie and Sharona try to argue as to the best way up to the ninth floor]
- Natalie Teeger: How about this? It's the ninth floor, right? Let's take the elevator up to four and then walk up five flights.
- Adrian Monk: Yeah, that sounds fair.
- Sharona Fleming: Or we take the elevator up to level five and walk four flights.
- Adrian Monk: Can't argue with that.
- Sharona Fleming: You treat him like a child.
- Natalie Teeger: He's not a child.
- Sharona Fleming: I did not say he's a child. I said you're treating him like a child.
- Natalie Teeger: Oh, *I'm* being supportive.
- Sharona Fleming: No, you're not being supportive. You're enabling him.
- Adrian Monk: Okay, here's what we gonna do. We're going to take the elevator up to 18 and walk down nine flights. That way everybody's miserable.
- [as a consequence, they show up at Walsh's apartment practically out of breath]
- Adrian Monk: I got this myself. Okay, she got me the wipe. It's just a wipe. I mean, come on. There's nothing going on. Sometimes a wipe is just a wipe. I'm talking too much. Am I still taking now? God, I'm still talking.
- Adrian Monk: She didn't mean anything. Nobody means anything.
- Sharona Fleming: "Nobody means anything." What does that mean?
- Adrian Monk: Doesn't mean anything
- Sharona Fleming: Well, I don't believe it. You're not perfect. You could be wrong.
- Adrian Monk: Maybe, but I'm not.
- Natalie Teeger: [Natalie opens a drawer full of condoms] Uncle Howie liked the ladies.
- Adrian Monk: How do you know?
- Natalie Teeger: [Natalie closes the drawer quickly] Trust me, he *liked* the ladies!
- Sharona Fleming: [Opening door to Stottlemeyer's office] I'd like to lodge a complaint against one of your officers.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [Annoyed but not looking up] What did he do?
- Sharona Fleming: He hasn't called or written to me in five years.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [looks up and sees her] Sharona Fleming!