Daddy's Home (2015)

Will Ferrell: Brad Whitaker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dusty Mayron : So the King raised his mighty sword and rained steel down upon the Step King.

  Brad Whitaker : But the Step King blocked it with his shield. And swung his cat o'nine tails into the King's smug face.

  Dusty Mayron : Which the King easily brushed aside like the feather of a gull. And then the King did counter with a barrage of slashes and thrusts so fast and precise the Step King had no way to party.

  Megan , Dylan : Yay!

  Dusty Mayron : But he did. He did. He parried all of them. Easily. It was no big deal.

  Megan , Dylan : Aww.

  Brad Whitaker : Then he grabbed the King's sword right out of his hand and smashed it over his knee.

  Megan , Dylan : Boo!

  Dusty Mayron : That's when the King pulled out a pump-action Mossberg shotgun!

  Brad Whitaker : Which is completely anachronistic. So if we're gonna be doing any time period, then the Step King just happened to be wearing Kevlar body armor.

  Dusty Mayron : Concussion grenade!

  Brad Whitaker : Hand grenade.

  Dusty Mayron : Rocket launcher.

  Brad Whitaker : Missile launcher.

  Dusty Mayron : Air strike.

  Brad Whitaker : Nuclear strike.

  Dusty Mayron : Black hole.

  Brad Whitaker : God.

• Brad Whitaker : The step-king has had enough of the king's BULLSHIT!

  Dusty Mayron : Brad said a bad word.

• Brad Whitaker : Eat my dust Dusty!

• Brad Whitaker : You built all this today? With my tools?

  Dusty Mayron : Oh, no, you can't build a treehouse with a tampon, Brad.

• Brad Whitaker : I mean, kids at the end of the day, they know who's been around and, holy balls!

  [sees dusty] 

• [first lines] 

  Brad Whitaker : [narrating]  Here's a question for you. What do kids need more, a father or a dad? What's the difference? The way I see it, darn near anyone can be a father...

  [video of copulating rhinos] 

  Brad Whitaker : ... but not everyone has the patience or the devotion to be a dad. As for me, I've always wanted to be a dad. Let me tell you, I love it! Yeah!

  [driving] 

  Brad Whitaker : And I love my Ford Flex. It treats me to a smooth ride, and you know what? It didn't break the bank. Room enough for the whole family.

  [making sandwiches in the kitchen] 

  Brad Whitaker : Yes, I love being a dad. And I love these two adorable little rays of sunshine.

  [Dylan and Megan walk in]