Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk Is the Best Man (2009)
Ted Levine: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Quotes
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[about his fiancee]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Uh, look, are you okay about this? I mean, about her name...?
Adrian Monk : Oh, sure! I think it's great! Everybody should have a Trudy in their life.
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[Stottlemeyer's fiancee has called off their wedding]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Guess I'll be taking that ring back.
Adrian Monk : Well, I'm gonna hold on to it.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk... it's over. I happen to be an expert in this area.
Adrian Monk : Well, I'm not giving up! It's gonna work out! You love her, you need her. She's your answer.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : She's my answer... where did you hear that?
Adrian Monk : Trudy used to say it - my Trudy. Besides, I'm not sure if I can open my hand.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Um, there's something else. I guess this is as good a time as any. Uh, you and I... we go way back. Probably some 20-odd... or even... mostly odd years.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Okay, we have a victim found in Colin Park. He was shot once and then burned.
Adrian Monk : I read the file, so where are we?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Still unidentified. Randy, what do we know about him?
Lt. Randall Disher : Well, we know he was... flammable. That's pretty much it.
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Lt. Randall Disher : [walking in on Stottlemeyer, whose office floor is messy with lots of case files] So who's on your short list?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I've been at this all morning. Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.
Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah, or both.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No. Nobody is both.
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Adrian Monk : [while being held at gunpoint] That's what this whole thing has been about. You were in that group with Martin Kettering, and you've been a fugitive for 12 years.
Stephanie Briggs : Just shut up.
Adrian Monk : I already started. It's very hard for me to stop.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : It's true, you have to let him finish. Go ahead.
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[Stottlemeyer arrives at the crime scene]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [singing] Heaven, I'm in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.
[to patrol officer]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : How you doin'?
[singing]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : And I finally found the happiness I seek...
[to another patrol officer]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Hey, there, Kevin, you look good! You losing weight? Good deal.
[singing]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : When we're up together, dancing cheek to cheek...
[to Disher]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : hey, I smell ribs!
Lt. Randall Disher : [grimacing] It is ribs.
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Adrian Monk : All right, I would like to say a few words about our friend, Leland Francis Stottlemeyer.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Thank you, thank you very much.
Adrian Monk : [reading from a notecard] And it goes like this: "A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head." There's more, there's more. "The bartender says 'Say, aren't you Leland Stottlemeyer, whose first marriage was annulled after five days, and whose second wife, Karen, left him after 20 years? And then you dated Linda Fusco, who was later convicted of first-degree murder?'" Wait, wait. "And then Leland says 'That's right.' And then the bartender says, 'Every relationship you've ever had has ended in disaster and you wanna get married again? You're crazy! No wonder you have a duck on your head!'" And Leland says...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : ...And Leland says "I need a drink!"
[and receives much applause from the other cops]
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Adrian Monk : Well I'm not giving up. It's gonna work out somehow. You love her. You need her. She's your answer.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : "She's my answer." Where'd you hear that?
Adrian Monk : Trudy used to say that.
[pause]
Adrian Monk : My Trudy.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Whoever this guy is, he's ruining my life.
Lt. Randall Disher : Well, that's supposed to be my job.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Exactly.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, I'm asking you to be my best man.
Adrian Monk : Really? Wow! I'm... I'm... what am I? I'm surprised. I'm flattered. I'm slightly apprehensive. And I'm anxious, which... I'm always anxious. So that doesn't really...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Is that a yes?
Adrian Monk : Yes.
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Lt. Randall Disher : I'll send this down to the lab.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : We're in the lab.
Lt. Randall Disher : Then I'll just put it right there.