- Andy Flynn: [about the former Det. Andrews] Oh, yeah. He's a real lady.
- D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: And I can't put Det. Andrews on the stand like that.
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: Why not? We need her testimony, not her testicles.
- Andy Flynn: So, you ready to go - Louie?
- Louie Provenza: [chuckles] Call me that just once more and Georgette won't be my only ex-partner without a penis.
- Dr. Morales: [to his Morgue assistant busying himself with an exhumed body] Can you give me a hand?
- [the Morgue assistant breaks off the right hand from a body and hands it to Dr. Morales]
- Dr. Morales: Thank you. Moving on.
- Louie Provenza: You know, Andrews, when those doctors cut your balls off, they should have pulled the stick out of your ass at the same time!
- Andy Flynn: I mean, if we had any priors, we wouldn't need Osgood's confession.
- Louie Provenza: But we HAVE Osgood's confession. It's just because Empty Pants here won't bite the bullet and put on the clothes that he was BORN TO WEAR. Doesn't mean that we can't have somebody read his testimony in court.
- Mike Tao: I believe you can only do that if he isn't available.
- Louie Provenza: HEEEEEE... ISN'T available.