The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

Roger Dodger/Skorca! (2009)

Tom McGrath: Skipper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marlene : Hey, guys.

  Skipper : Marlene, you really have to say something before you burst in on us like that.

  Private : Luckily you didn't set off our habitat's new security grid.

  Kowalski : Tear gas, blow darts, land mines, the whole enchilada.

  Marlene : Isn't that a little severe?

  Skipper : Is it? One of these days, you'll learn that there is only one universal language: force.

  Kowalski : And math.

  Skipper : Right. Force and math.

  Marlene : Music, also.

  Skipper : Force, math and music are really the only...

  Private : Laughter?

  [Skippers slaps Private] 

  Skipper : The point is, we speak fluent force around here, and we feel safer knowing that no one, and I mean no one, is getting inside our lair.

• Private : I know what you're thinking. Private had too much sugar and dreamed up a flying whale that doesn't even exist.

  Kowalski : Wow! That is what I'm thinking.

  Skipper : Sugar dreams and mind-reading powers? How many Winkies did you eat?

• Private : So, after Rico trounces the rats inside Roger's body, we switch them back?

  Skipper : Exactly. It's 100% fool-proof.

  Kowalski : More precisely, it's 2.7% fool-proof. There's a 97.3% chance that this will backfire and result in a horrific abomination that will be an affront to the most elemental laws of nature and the universe.

  Skipper : I like those odds.

• Private : But I really did see a skorca. You've got to believe me!

  Skipper : And we wanna believe you, Private, but compare the evidence.

  Kowalski : On the sugary-sugar side, we have a box of empty sugar cake wrappers and your own upset tummy.

  Skipper : On the skorca's side, nothing. Less than nothing. Kowalski, what's a number less than nothing?

  Kowalski : Uh... neg-finity.

• Skipper : Don't test me, Rico. If I have to take down one of my own, I'll do it. Just ask Manfredi and Johns...

  [Gets hit] 

• Skipper : Rico's never disobeyed an order before, not even the time I forced him to suck the cobra venom out of my left buttock.

• Skipper : Maniac! Can't you see we share the same enemy?

  Joey : Joey don't share.

• Kowalski : A flying orca. It's like our worst nightmare brought to life.

  Skipper : Interesting theory. Then whose nightmare is the giant waffle cone sundae?

  [Points to giant balloon of ice-cream cone] 

  King Julien : Flee for your lives! How can we be safe from Two-scoopula, the ice-cream that walks like a man?

  [Rico hands him a spoon] 

  King Julien : Oh, I guess that would do it.

• Skipper : Roger, how did you get past our security field?

  Roger : Me? Oh, I just came in through the front door. Right over there.

  Kowalski : In that case, according to security protocol, you are either an enemy agent, or our guest.

• Skipper : What in the name of Gandhi's nunchucks?

• Skipper : That settles it. Private, you're on aerial recon duty tonight.

  Private : By myself? All night?

  Skipper : And with potential enemies coming from all sides. It's a solder's paradise.

• Roger : But I tried everything. I asked them nicely, I baked them muffins...

  [Rico grunts] 

  Skipper : Good point, Rico. Have you tried bashing their heads 'til they go crying to their little rat mamas?

  Roger : Isn't that a little violent?

  Skipper : If it's done properly.

• Skipper : Kowalski, diagnosis.

  Kowalski : Acute imaginosis of the frighty bone. Worse case I've ever seen.

  Skipper : Is there any cure?

  Kowalski : The effects of the sugar should wear off in less than five minutes.

  Skipper : [Slaps Kowalski]  That's five minutes too many. Give me results.

  Kowalski : Well, the skorca is a pretend creature. So, if we pretend to defeat it, that should cure Private's sugar-stoked fantasies.

  Skipper : Imaginary combat. I like it. Men, iniciate Operation Scaredy-Cat, now!

• [the penguins and Roger watch Rico in Roger's body beat up the rats] 

  Roger : Wow. I can't believe I'm doing all this. I have such guilt.

  Private : But you have to remember, Roger

  [He points to Rico] 

  Private : That isn't really you.

  Roger : Still, I can't stand violence of any-

  [He regurgitates a wooden sword, a bazooka and a bomb] 

  Roger : What am I doing with all this horrible stuff? This is terrible!

  Private : No, Roger, you'll have to remember...

  [He points to Roger] 

  Private : This isn't really you.

  Skipper : [pointing to Rico]  I thought you said that wasn't really him.

  Private : Well, I...

  Skipper : Pick a lane, here, Private.