User Reviews

Being of pensionable age (well, not quite, but I'm over 30), I didn't come to Diagnosis: Death because of comedy team Flights of the Conchords. Though I had heard of FOTC before reading the other reviews for the film, I wouldn't recognize them if they walked past me on the street. No, I came to Diagnosis: Death because I like horror films and films from New Zealand. Consequently, the relative dearth of Conchords did not disturb me in the least, and I really enjoyed the proceedings--in fact I'd go so far as to say this is the best hospital-based chiller since Lars von Trier's The Kingdom. This is a smartly written, amusing, and occasionally spooky little film with an excellent cast, most notably Suze Tye as Nurse Ratched--er, Nurse Bates. As long as you don't tune in expecting an extended FOTC routine, you'll be well pleased with Diagnosis: Death.

Years ago, when Peter Jackson was just breaking in to the film business, it seemed like New Zealand might be poised to be a hotbed, albeit a small one, of horror film activity. Bad Taste and Braindead seemed like the beginning of something major. They were, only they were the beginning of Jackson's long and award-addled career. It didn't really mean too much for New Zealand horror. Just a couple of years ago another Kiwi horror comedy came out and created a bit of a buzz itself, Black Sheep. A horror film about killer sheep? Sign me up! And, it is a fun little movie - one that I recommend you view with some friends and a good sense of humor.

Last year, Affordable Films released New Zealand's latest horror-comedy Diagnosis: Death. They tried to capitalize on the popularity of their country's own Flight of the Conchords and included Brett McKenzie, Jemain Clement, and Rhys Darby. Full disclosure: I love Flight of the Conchords - the show, and the band. The only problem is that these guys are probably in the film for a total of five minutes between them. Yeah, it's a cocktease.

The film itself, a horror-comedy, is surprisingly light on both horror and comedy. It stars Raybon Kan (apparently he's a New Zealand stand-up) as a school teacher that is stricken with a rare form of cancer. He goes to a weekend drug trial to test out new, experimental drugs that may be able to cure him. Sounds reasonable enough, but wait, there's more. It turns out this hospital used to be...wait for it...a MENTAL INSTITUTION! dun-dun-dun. And, as if that wasn't enough, some famous author supposedly killed herself and her child in this very same ward! The movie is basically a ghost-story-mystery thing disguised as a comedy. The laughs are few and far between, the revelation at the end is predictable, and the horror is cheap and stupid. That said, the two minutes of screen time that are alloted to Rhys Darby had me rolling - he's basically playing Murray as a doctor. I was able to watch it with a friend and we managed to enjoy ourselves by adding our own, MS3TK-style commentary to the film and rewinding the Rhys Darby's final scene (he gives a great look at the end of it) multiple times. Fortunately, they keep things fairly light and every once and a while the jokes will land so you should be able to get through the film.

Because we were able to enjoy ourselves while watching, I'll give it a 5 out of 10, but it really doesn't deserve anything higher than that. I advise you not to buy this one. It may be worth a rental if you are a big Conchords fan or would like to watch something light and silly with some buddies on a weekend. I advise against watching it by yourself, too, as you'll have no one to crack wise with.

5/10

Diagnosis: Death is set in New Zealand where English teacher Andre Chang (Raybon Kan) is diagnosed with a rare & terminal form of cancer, Chang is told he has less than three months to live but there is hope as experimental drug trials are currently being held. Chang volunteers to be a guinea pig & test the new cancer drugs, while in hospital he meets schoolgirl Juliet Reid (Jessica Grace Smith) who also has terminal cancer & is there for the trials. The two quickly form a close relationship but start experiencing strange hallucinations as they become convinced that the ghost's of previous patients are trying to tell them something...

This New Zealand production was edited, co-written, produced & directed by Jason Stutter & I presume Diagnosis: Death was meant to be some sort of hip modern horror comedy full of references to pop culture, one-liners, medical gags & scary ghostly images. Well, it isn't. In fact I thought it wasn't funny at all & the entire concept of a straight comedy about terminally ill cancer patients just seemed wrong to me & I honestly do not believe cancer is a laughing matter but I guess we all have different senses of humour. I will say right now that I did not find one single scene in Diagnosis: Death funny or amusing or even slightly witty but I am sure some will. I guess Diagnosis: Death is also a slow moving drama as the friendship between two terminally ill cancer patients grow until Chang breaks the law & has sex with a schoolgirl, again not funny or clever & ever so slightly repulsive. Between the romantic interludes & unfunny gags there's also a ghost story here which is never really explained to any great degree, why did Nurse Bates kill her sister & her son again? Why did they get to come back as ghost's while no-one else did? Surely lots of people had died in that hospital so why wasn't the place overrun with ghost's? What significance did the mirror have? The final ten minutes tries to tie up loose ends as quickly as it can but it just felt empty. At 82 minutes long with the end credits taking up a couple of minutes Diagnosis: Death probably runs less than 80 minutes & even then it felt slow at times & the happy ending where Chang suddenly & miraculously recovers from cancer says it all. Keep watch as the end credits roll as after there's a brief extra scene at Bates funeral.

The whole hook of Diagnosis: Death is that it stars the guy's from the comedy show The Flight of the Choncords but they have nothing more than cameo's so don't be fooled by the DVD packaging. The whole film has a competent but bland look, there's no real gore except a cut hand, a mouldy skeleton & a head impalement on a stool leg. The entire film takes place in virtually the same location & only features about three main character's that have anything more than a cameo.

Filmed in New Zealand the production values are decent enough I suppose but it's still not funny or scary enough. The acting is mixed, Raybon Kan is just wooden & speaks with the same tone all the time while Suze Tye is quite good as the villain.

Diagnosis: Death is a horror comedy drama that is neither scary, funny or heartfelt enough. That says it all really, while some will stick up for it I doubt many viewers out there will get much entertainment value out of this.

This movie started out really funny, but seemed to lose its sense of humor in the second half. The opening scene in the classroom, the diagnosis, and the beginning of the trials were all great. Then it felt like the movie became a conventional low budget horror. Brett was great as some sort of medical worker who was more interested in hitting on the teenager, and he had one of my favorite lines ever ("This is what we call...the good s---"). The lead actor seemed to be playing the early scenes with just the right balance of self-centered callousness, but seemed to drop the irony half way through. If they could have sustained the tone through the whole story, this might be one I would watch back. As it is, I would probably only watch the first few scenes if I ever queue it back up.

The movie has a simplistic plot, perhaps as a spoof of horror movie plots which have all blended together. It is basically a comedy with a horror background. I enjoyed the role of Nurse Bates, using the infamous Bates surname. Suze Tye has a really gorgeous set of eyes which come through even as an evil nurse. The animated skeleton with smoke love making scene was original, but not clever or well done. They could have placed the animated characters into impossible positions. The beginning scene of parents attempting to bribe the teacher reminded me of the movie "Serious Man" where the bribe became a moral dilemma for the Jewish teacher, unlike this movie. The movie has sexual scenes, no nudity, and Suze Tye's eyes. I think they should use Jackie Chan and Lindsey Lohan for the American version.