- Mary Shannon: She is a cheating, lying, violent, antisocial sociopath. Is that really the kind of person you want to hang your future on?
- Helen Trask: I could do worse.
- Marshall Mann: [giving a toast to the newly engaged Mary at her engagement party at the WITSEC office] Here's to the best friend I've ever had, could ever hope to have, a girl for whom no man will ever be good enough, I hope you know that... I love you and I wish for you nothing but a lifetime of happiness.
- Marshall Mann: I'll have the oatmeal with skim, sliced banana, and... do you have Craisins?
- Waitress: No.
- Mary Shannon: What's with the attitude? Is that how you let people know you are way cooler than serving breakfast at a crappy café makes you seem? I mean...
- [Mary scoffs]
- Marshall Mann: Regular raisins will be fine.
- Mary Shannon: How's the hobo platter? Good?
- [the waitress gives Mary an annoyed look]
- Mary Shannon: All right, let's do the hobo. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, try keeping the spitting in my food down to a minimum.
- Mary Shannon: [shocked] There's a dead dog in that pot! And God help me, it smells absolutely delicious!