Hesher (2010)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Hesher
Photos
Quotes
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Hesher : I pulled this gas tank from an old Chevy. I wanted to blow it up, so I did. What I didn't think about was all the, you know, little bits of metal that were gonna fly in every direction. And I almost killed myself. I woke up in this hospital and this doctor was like, "Son..." and I said "Don't call me son, you fucking cunt." And he was like, "You blew off your nut."
[pause]
Hesher : I just lost my nut, like that. I went fucking crazy. I assaulted a nurse or a doctor, I don't really remember, but I got arrested. I went to juvie. All I could think about was my fucking nut, man. I'm missing a nut. What am I going to do? I had to go looking for it, right? So, I busted out of juvie and I went searching. I couldn't find my nut.
[pause]
Hesher : Well, there was this one night, I was sitting there and I was taking a shit and I was looking at my balls and I was staring at this little piece of flabby sack where my left nut used to be. And then I saw my right nut for the first time. I was like *fuck man, my nut!* Look I have one, I still have a nut. Right? It's a good nut, it works. God or the fucking devil or whoever the fuck it is you know, he left me with one good nut. I still have a fucking nut and it works. And my fucking dick works too.
[pause]
Hesher : Okay, you lost your wife. And you lost your mom. I lost my nut.
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Hesher : Dude if you wanna poke her, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't be ashamed. Human beings have been poking vagina for hundreds of years. Longer probably. Bro! Seriously there's nothing wrong with wantin' some pussy!
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Hesher : You lost your wife. And you lost your mom. I lost my nut.
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Hesher : Do you think she shaves her pussy?
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Hesher : I used to have this snake. Big fucker. I just have to feed him, once a week, I'd give him a live mouse.
[Grandma grunts. Hesher grunts back]
Grandma : You know snakes. You know they're snakes because they're the right shape.
Hesher : Huh! Well anyway, this one ate mice. And there was this one time I dropped a mouse in his cage and he got a whiff of it, so he went for him. And this mouse, got up on his hind legs and punched him in the face.
Grandma : You're kidding?
Hesher : Uh-uh! Happened again too. Snake went for him again. Hit him again. Snake didn't know what to do, he's gone all fucked up. Went off in the corner and cried. And that fucking mouse ruled the cage. Went on for weeks. He's just like, walked around like he owned the joint, sittin in a little lawn chair or somethin, scratchin his balls, shellin peanuts. You know, I mean like defiant.
[grunts]
Hesher : I tried to feed him other mice too, but I'd drop the new mouse into the cage and he'd just hide behind the old mouse. The snake's scared shitless. He died; starved to death.
[grunts]
Hesher : Cage full of mice.
Grandma : So, is TJ the mouse?
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Hesher : This one time, a couple of years back, I had these 4 chicks in the back of the van and we're all like super fucking wasted and going for it, right? So I was eating this one chick out, I was fingering another chick, but there's still two chicks, right, and they want to get off. So I got my other hand fingering this other chick and I got my toe rubbing on the fourth chick's asshole and I was going crazy, man. It was like, this is too much, you know, I was like, couldn't tell which chick was which. Tongue started to hurt. Fingers getting tired. I stepped back. You know what happened?
[Nicole shook her head]
Hesher : These chicks just start working on each other. They're fingering each other, eating each other out. I just sat back and watched the whole thing. I just whipped my cock out, jerked myself off. Everyone's a winner.
Nicole : Was that some kind of perverted metaphor for me?
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Hesher : [pushing the casket] I told Grandma I was gonna go on a walk with her, so that's what I'm gonna do...
