The Other Guys (2010)

Steve Coogan: David Ershon

Photos 

Quotes 

• David Ershon : Douglas, how's the wife?

  Douglas : She died.

  David Ershon : Attaboy.

• Terry Hoitz : We're gonna do 'good cop, bad cop'. Okay? It's the oldest game in the book for a reason - it works. I come strong, then you come in. You got it?

  Allen Gamble : Yeah.

  Terry Hoitz : I come strong, then you come in.

  Allen Gamble : Right. Got it.

  Terry Hoitz : [to Ershon]  Now you listen to me, you piece of shit! It's just you and me, and I'm gonna rip you apart! How did you cover your losses up? Huh? What drug cartel are you working with now?

  David Ershon : Okay, I'll talk to you,

  [pointing at Allen] 

  David Ershon : you're reasonable!

  Terry Hoitz : [shaking him]  No-no, look at me!

  Allen Gamble : Yeah? You wanna talk to me?

  [pushes Terry away and storms on Ershon] 

  Terry Hoitz : Allen, what are you doing?

  Allen Gamble : [yells at Ershon]  I'm gonna make you eat a plate of human shit!

  [runs around smashing his office] 

  Allen Gamble : [next scene, Allen and Terry are walking outside]  Look, I'm really sorry about that. I just... I saw how aggressive you were being, and I thought 'Wow, I gotta go even bigger than that since we're doing 'Bad cop, bad cop'.

  Terry Hoitz : What? No, I said 'Good cop, bad cop'. I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop.

  Allen Gamble : Okay, then there it is. That's it. I thought you said 'Bad cop, bad cop'.

• David Ershon : Gentlemen, you have two choices: Mamma Mia or Jersey Boys.

• David Ershon : I think the best way to tell the story is by starting at the end, briefly, then going back to the beginning, and then periodically returning to the end, maybe giving different characters' perspectives throughout. Just to give it a bit of dynamism, otherwise it's just sort of a linear story.

• Terry Hoitz : Remember us, hotshot?

  David Ershon : Of course I do. Please, sit.

  [to his secretary] 

  David Ershon : Two of those Russian waters, please. No lime wedges, just cucumber.

  Terry Hoitz : Guess where we just came from? An explosion at your accounting office.

  David Ershon : Yes, that awful gas leak.

  Terry Hoitz : Gas leak? The only gas leak is the one coming out of your mouth right now.

  David Ershon : I just thank God no one was hurt or injured in a bad way. I absolutely abhor death.

  Terry Hoitz : Hey, Andrew Lloyd Webber, the jig is up, okay? We know it wasn't your security team that grabbed you. And we know you're targeting a big fish to cover losses. You talk or I beat you so it don't show no bruises.

  Allen Gamble : God, this water is good. Terry, have you tried the water?

  Terry Hoitz : Shut up, Allen.

• Allen Gamble : Whoa, your hair's soft!

  David Ershon : VO5 Hot Oil!

• David Ershon : [being arrested by Hoitz and Gamble for the first time]  Is this real? Am I being Punk'd?

• Allen Gamble : David Ershon, you're under arrest for fraud, embezzlement, and in connection to the murder of Don Beaman.

  David Ershon : This is a bad idea.

  Bob Littleford : Hey, guys.

  Allen Gamble : Bob? What are you doing here?

  Bob Littleford : I-I'm investing. Do you remember we talked about that proxy vote a while back? This is what it was for.

  Terry Hoitz : Holy shit.

  Bob Littleford : It's a more aggressive investment strategy for the pension.

  Terry Hoitz : Allen! We're the suckers. They're targeting the police pension fund.

• David Ershon : How great is "Jersey Boys"?

  Allen Gamble : It's not great. It's fantastic! You totally undersold it. The pageantry, the costumes. Wow, what a musical.

• David Ershon : I lost a bunch of money from some people and now they want it back.

  Terry Hoitz : What about Don Beaman?

  David Ershon : Beaman knew that I had falsified my financials, so they sent Wesley to try and keep him quiet. He forced him at gunpoint to drink a bunch of gin and then forced him onto the ledge. It was only a matter of time before he fell.

  Allen Gamble : At least we stopped you from getting the pension fund.

  David Ershon : Well, but, yeah, but you didn't. It's already in my account. By 9:00 in the morning, it goes into the Lendl equity fund and from there it's transferred to a dozen offshore accounts. By 9:01, it's gone.

  Terry Hoitz : Well, what if we stop the transfer?

  David Ershon : But you can't. I mean, there's a...

  Allen Gamble : What if we stop the transfer?

  David Ershon : You'd have to be at Endemic Bank for 9:00 exactly, find the clerk, get the routing number.

  Allen Gamble : We gotta stop it.

  Terry Hoitz : There's no way. I mean, every cop, the crazy Australian and his crew, they'll all be after us.

  David Ershon : You could let me go and I'll give you $10 million each. It's not a bribe.

  Allen Gamble : Of course it's a bribe. You're offering us money to not do our job.

  David Ershon : It's not a bribe.

• David Ershon : America has always been defined by its excess. The Grand Canyon, professional sports contracts. Wendy's Baconator, extra bacon. I myself have 18 Lamborghinis and a Subaru station wagon. And it's because of this excess that I have flourished. I implore you, please, do not stop profiting. Live for excess. It's the American way.

• Pamela Boardman : How much did we lose?

  NYSE Official : You may ring the bell now, Ms. Boardman.

  David Ershon : 32.

  Pamela Boardman : Million?

  David Ershon : No, billion.