I like the Tubi film/television website.
Yes, there are commercials, but then again, nothing is for free. And yes, not all the films and television shows that they offer for viewing are 10 out of 10. Many of them are around 2 or 3 out of 10. Still, there are some good films that appear on the Tubi selection board, and there are enough 5's to keep you coming back to the website.
So, as I said, I like the Tubi website, and I enjoy many of the films that they offer, but no matter how careful you are, once in a while a film slips under the radar and you end up watching it, realizing that you have wasted two hours of your life watching high-school level actors/actresses performing in a mentally-challenged rendition of a poorly written, badly filmed, haphazardly edited pile of rancid celluloid. And then when you notice that the film is a "Tubi Original", you simply feel like tossing yourself out the nearest window as punishment.
This happened to me last night when I watched the film, "The Devil Comes To Kansas City".
Actually, I was tricked into seeing this piece of garbage. It was the premise of the film that led me astray. A man, Paul Wilson, happens to be a former mercenary who now owns a farm. He sees his wife being murdered and his diabetic daughter kidnapped by a child-sex ring. Obviously, he decides (with the help of his two friends) to go after the kidnappers to get his diabetic daughter back and avenge his wife's murder. In the process, he meets an old friend who happens to be the great-grandson of Robert Johnson, the famous blues guitarist who supposedly sold his soul to the devil. This friend puts him in touch with Satan, who makes a deal with Paul Wilson so he can get his daughter back.
Okay, fairly wild story. Usual revenge story with a little demonic horror put into the mix. A little weird, but I thought it would be entertaining.
I was wrong. I was so wrong. Good Lord, I was wrong and I was punished for it.
Right off from the beginning, the acting fell into two categories. It was either noticeably stiff or over-the-top. It is one of the two. There is no middle-ground here. As an example, one of the actors who portrays a friend of the lead character simply stands around in the background and recites his lines. He emotes his emotional distress over the whole kidnapping situation by shouting about going fishing. In another example, the actor who plays the lead villain is so over-the-top with his acting style that he almost starts chewing the scenery that surrounds him. In another fine example, an actor who plays another friend of the lead character portrays the action of snorting cocaine to allow the drug to release his inner rage against the kidnappers, and the actor shows this by hooping and shouting after taking the drug. Probably the only person on screen that I didn't have a problem with was the actress who plays the diabetic daughter of the mercenary, and that's because she is asleep for 90% OF THE FILM.
Of course, the lead actor of the film, Ben Gavin, takes his role of a former mercenary to new heights of absurdity. Just seeing how he handles a handgun and sub-machine gun will tell you that this man has never held a gun before, and never even attempted to learn how to hold a gun properly. Also, one of the more comical scenes in the film is when Mr. Gavin portrays himself watching his daughter being kidnapped and wife murdered. When seeing the crime, Mr. Gavin simple whines and then rolls around on the grass, taking moments to pause and look at the crime being committed before whining and rolling again. This scene is followed up by the cringe-filled moment when the father of the mercenary (over-the-top played by Jim O'Heir) slobbers on his son to remind him that "there is a time to take action and a time to grieve". You expect the two to roll around in the grass some more, but they don't. But they still do cringe, and cringe a lot.
The film, overall, is absurd and doesn't make sense for a lot of the time. Characters appear in the film, like the father of the mercenary, and they are presented as though they are important to the story, but after five minutes, they are off the screen and never heard from again. As stated earlier, the mercenary has a friend (the one who likes fishing) who says he is going to help him get his daughter back. They drive to Kansas City, and after yelling about going fishing again, the friend leaves the film and never is heard of again. Why was he in the film in the first place? He did nothing. He added nothing. He just drove the truck, yelled about fishing, and left.
Another moment of stupidity regarding the film is the character of Robert Johnson's great-grandson. Why is the character just absurdly silly? Well, for starters, Satan has given him a special power, which is the ability to know where someone is located within a 50 mile radius.
Yes, you read that right. His special power is knowing where someone is located within 50 miles. Frankly, when it comes to "special powers", this one ranks as pretty low and worthless. It's really only good for finding lost dogs and cats, which is nice, but it isn't too interesting. Also, why does Satan give him this power in the first place? Isn't Satan supposed to take things from people? You know, like take their lives or souls. He's not supposed to hand things like to people. Why Satan is giving out special powers I couldn't tell you, and you won't know either since it is really never explained in this stupid film.
Another thing is that Satan has given the great-grandson a chance to save his soul (even though the great-grandson never sold his soul). I don't know why Satan is allowing people a chance to retain their souls? Again, isn't Satan supposed to take souls. Doesn't he fill Hell with the souls of the lost? Anyway, Satan tells the great-grandson of Robert Johnson that he can save his soul. All he has to do is do a good deed.
So what does the great-grandson do?
He hands out pancakes to the homeless.
Are.... You.... Serious?
Anyway, because he is the great-grandson of Robert Johnson, he can also play blues guitar. Yet, the guitar he carries isn't just for playing blues tunes. Like the guitar was taken out of a pile of failed James Bond secret weapons, this guitar can also shoot deadly arrows. That's right. He can shoot 3, 4, 5 arrows and take out a whole squad of bad guys before going back to playing the blues (and yes, he does this in the film....kills a bad guy and then plays a blues tune.... I guess it's suppose to be cool or something, but it just looks stupid).
Other insignificant, but stupid-enough-to-mention moment, deals with our lead character, Mercenary Paul Wilson. When entering the warehouse where is daughter is being kept, our CIA and Marine trained mercenary meets a Mexican street thug who is the right-hand man of the main villain.
Remember those descriptions. CIA/Marine trained mercenary and street thug.
They begin to fight (of course), and even though the mercenary is trained in hand-to-hand combat and knows how to kill someone with his bare hands, the street thug goes toe-to-toe with him. The street thug starts pulling off multiple martial art moves to counteract the moves by the government-trained assassin mercenary. Karate chops, high-flying kicks, spinning sweeps, blocks, and attacks. The street thug knows it all. How does he know it all? Well, that's never explained. Perhaps ghetto street thugs can take special courses in martial arts at the local community college.
Another moment of nonsense is the mercenary's preparation for the final battle to save his daughter (which happens after he talks to Satan....huh?....why don't you just get your daughter). To prepare for the battle, the mercenary begins to camouflage his face with greasepaint. Obviously, seeing him smear this crap on his face, one wants to ask the question, "Why?". I understand that the greasepaint is to camouflage his face during combat, but the mercenary is GOING TO A WAREHOUSE. There is no foliage at the warehouse. There are no plants at the warehouse. There are not even blades of grass or weeds at the warehouse. The warehouse has walls and floors, and the walls and floors are drywall and concrete, and the place is filled with bright, overhead florescence lamps. So again, I ask you, why is the mercenary covering his face with camouflage greasepaint? I guess because it just looks cool. Either that, or the director watch one too many Rambo and Rambo-type films and thought that all mercenaries wear camouflage greasepaint regardless of their environment.
Whatever. It's pointless to even try to find a reasonable explanation.
By the end of this rotten film, the bad guys lose, the good guys win, Satan gives a speech, and people in Heaven wear all white clothes. Most of all, the audience wakes up.
As I said in the beginning, when I read the synopsis of this film, I thought it was weird or unusual enough to possibly be entertaining. Maybe with the right director and the right cast, this film might have ended up being successful because of the story's "mondo-ness", a low-budget crazy film that ends up being a Midnight Show wonder. Unfortunately, director Michael Blevins is not the right director and Ben Gavins and the rest of the cast are not the right actors and actresses. Because of this, what the viewer gets is two hours of unfunny and uninteresting boredom.
"The Devil Comes To Kansas City" should have never been made because it commits the ultimate sin, which is not entertaining its audience. A film's main goal, regardless of it subject matter or story, it to make you forget your problems for a couple of hours. This film fails at this task. This film should be given to Satan so he can take it to Hell and shelve it.
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