- Vice-Principal Metz: [holding her dog] It won't be long, my stinky little fur-baby, and all of our hard work will have paid off, and the world will once again know the name Lord Darksmoke. Now let's go do poopy time and then we can watch your Animal Planet, huh?
- Shane: Look, I'm sorry about before. I... I wasn't feeling myself. You... You're really not my type.
- Laura: Oh, I'm really not your type, huh? Yeah, you... well, you... could have fooled me.
- Shane: No, no, no. That's not what I meant. You're fine. You're just...
- Laura: I'm just what?
- Shane: Too... momish.
- Laura: Amish?
- Shane: Momish.
- Laura: Mom... Oh, momish! Too "momish." Nice. Nice.
- Laura: Okay, Mrs. Metz, your most royal exalted highness, I apologize. I apologize that someone saw fit to put you into a position of authority when your own son obviously has an L.O.D. problem. And I sincerely apologize that my Arthur didn't cause more harm to your little tyrant than to hurt his overpriced designer clothes. AND IF HE EVER BULLIES MY SON AGAIN, I SWEAR I WILL SHOW HIM NO LACK OF DISCIPLINE!
- Tim: I gotta get home. I'm behind in my science fair project, and I've got a book report due tomorrow, and this is...
- Arthur: Wait-wait-wait. What's the book?
- Tim: Um... Oh, Watership Down.
- Arthur: And how far did you get?
- Tim: There's a rabbit on the cover.
- Arthur: I read that book last year.
- Tim: Yeah?
- Arthur: Yeah. It's about these rabbits. They live in a hotel.
- Tim: You mean it?
- Arthur: Yeah, and they're twins. Their names are Zack and Cody.
- Natalie: I'm hot-wiring the car. I learned it in Scouts. It's not all cookies and knee-high socks, you know.
- Laura: Arthur, the Wicked Vice Principal of the West seems to think that you've committed some sort of crime, so could you please set the record straight so she can return to her coffin before the sun rises?
- Laura: [about Arthur] He's been drinking.
- Vice-Principal Metz: Drinking?
- Laura: Yeah, well, it's fine 'cause I gave it to him.
- Laura: [as Vice Principal Metz searches the garage] No troll, huh? Guess you're gonna have to find your dates on the Internet like the rest of us.
- [Convention Flier: "Meet Shane Barker. Inventor of Elixir! This guy! You REALLY gotta meet him! Smart, rich and did we mention the butt?"]
- Laura: I AM a mom. I don't have time to walk around in leather pants reading comic books. I have bills to pay and meals to make and a little boy to civilize.