- Sam Puckett: So, David, what was it like hangin' out with Wade Collins?
- David Archuleta: Oh, well, you know, he's okay.
- Carly Shay: You don't like him, do you?
- David Archuleta: Not really. No.
- Sam Puckett: Let it out, David.
- David Archuleta: Well, he called me a hob-knocker. I don't even know what that means.
- [Sam whispers into David's ear]
- David Archuleta: Oh, gross!
- Sam Puckett: And illegal.
- [Carly walks into the studio in a sexy outfit]
- Carly Shay: Hey, do you think this dress is a little too... saucy?
- Freddie Benson: It's for a music video. You need to look hotter than you usually do.
- Carly Shay: [perplexed, but flattered] Well, thank you.
- [closing out another webshow]
- Carly Shay: Until then, always remember...
- Sam Puckett: Never forget...
- [short pause]
- Carly Shay: Umm, what was it?
- Sam Puckett: I forget.
- Freddie Benson: [after Sam licks Freddie's phone] Aww, she licked my phone.
- Carly Shay: Shh! "America Sings" is coming back on.
- Freddie Benson: Never lick my phone again.
- [Sam licks the phone again]
- Freddie Benson: She did it again.
- Carly Shay: Freddie, be quiet. Sam, stop licking technology.
- Carly Shay, Sam Puckett: [while watching "America Sings"] David! David! David!
- Freddie Benson: He's not gonna win.
- Carly Shay, Sam Puckett: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
- Spencer Shay: I'm a terrible liar.
- Carly Shay: It's true. One time...
- Spencer Shay: Don't tell the story!
- Carly Shay: I'm telling the story! One time, we were gonna ride rollercoasters on a school day, and when Spencer came to get me, he told Ms. Briggs he was taking me to the doctor and she said, "which one?" And Spencer said...
- Spencer Shay: Dr. Rollercoaster.
- Carly Shay: And guess what I didn't get to ride that day?
- Carly Shay: [about David Archuleta winning "American Sings"] He won because of us.
- Freddie Benson: Well, we didn't do anything wrong. We like Archuleta, so we helped him win.
- Carly Shay: Yeah. I guess nobody got hurt.
- Spencer Shay: Except that poor guy you made lose.
- Spencer Shay: Hey, look, I returned the movie. Well, I don't care what your records say. I know I returned it. When? Well, you know, like 10 years ago, on Thurs... Wednes... it was an afternoon. That's when... okay, I'm lying, I'm a dirty liar. These are the eyes of a liar.
- Freddie Benson: [about making a music video for Wade Collins] He's such a nub. I don't wanna do this anymore.
- Carly Shay: We have to. His mom needs surgery, and if it weren't for us, he'd have a big record deal and lots of money... and stop drooling over those girls!
- Wade Collins: I swear, you're all just a bunch of hob-knockers.
- Carly Shay: Hob-knockers?
- Wade Collins: I'm going down to get some yogg-urt.
- Carly Shay: Yogg-urt?
- Freddie Benson: Um, we're in the middle of shooting your music video.
- Wade Collins: No, you're all busy worshipping a filthy little beast. Ucch! Why are all Americans such idiots?
- [storms out of the room]
- Spencer Shay: I thought we were hob-knockers.
- Carly Shay: [to Freddie about Wade Collins' music video] Wow. You made Wade look awesome.
- Sam Puckett: Good video, Fredison.
- Freddie Benson: Thanks. It was hard to find good footage of the guy not screaming at me and calling me an untalented hob-knocker.
- Carly Shay: What is a hob-knocker?
- [Sam whispers something in Carly's ear]
- Carly Shay: Oh, that's gross!
- Sam Puckett: And illegal.
- Carly Shay: [to Wade] You know, I felt guilty using "iCarly" to help David Archuleta win, but now I know we did the right thing. You didn't deserve to win.
- Spencer Shay: [to the video store clerk] Wanna visit my summer home in Prague and meet my cousin, the Pope?
- [the video store clerk giggles]
- Spencer Shay: Yeah, I knew you'd giggle.