Humpday (2009)

Joshua Leonard: Andrew

Photos 

Quotes 

• Andrew : That's the tricky thing. It's the difference between this and bungee jumping, is that bungee jumping, you just walk to the edge and jump...

  Ben : ...and the whole thing takes care of you...

  Andrew : ...and you don't have to have a hard-on to bungee jump.

• Andrew : I'm going to count to five and we're going to fuckin' *kiss* and we're just going to do it. Alright.

  Ben : You ready?

  Andrew : You ready?

  Ben : Yup!

  Andrew : You ready?

  Ben : Ready.

  Andrew : Ready?

  Ben : Five...

  [in unison] 

  Ben : four, three, two, one.

  Andrew : [jumps at Ben. They open-mouth "kiss", but without moving at all; and they hold this for at least ten seconds; then they release and stand back] 

  Ben : [pauses, then sounds happily relieved]  It wasn't that bad!

  Andrew : [laughing]  No, it was just... it's weird, I've never kissed stubble before.

  Ben : Wasn't that bad!

  Andrew : It wasn't *terrible*.

  Ben : It wasn't terrible, no, it wasn't terrible.

  Andrew : [long pause]  Yeah, that was awful.

  Ben : Dude, that was awful.

  [pause] 

  Ben : Okay...

  Andrew : Uhhhhh...

  Ben : This is gonna be hard.

  Andrew : Yeah, that puts a little wrench in the works, doesn't it?

• Ben : What a wild life you live, my friend.

  Andrew : Enh. You always have the option of doing what I'm doing, and I don't know that I so much have the option of doing what you're doing.

  Ben : Ah, it's easy. You just go to a grocery store, you find someone with long hair that's a girl, start kissing her, one thing leads to another. Then you buy her a ring, you get married, you buy a house. And soon enough you're converting your upstairs office into a potential baby room.

  Andrew : Are you fucking serious?

  Ben : Not yet, but we're on the path. We've officially removed the goalie, and now we're just doing free kicks.