Missy Palmer: Marzipan

Quotes 

• [Strong Bad tries to receive an image overhaul to keep himself young, and he consults Marzipan on how to do it] 

  Marzipan : I came up with a few ways to spruce up your look, and add hundreds to your resale value.

  Strong Bad : I am legally obligated to ask you to proceed.

  [Marzipan shows off a diagram of Strong Bad's head. Various changes are made to the diagram as Marzipan says:] 

  Marzipan : Thanks. First, we're gonna start with a flagstone path leading up to your chin, right here. Then we'll fill the negative space around your head with Forsythia and maybe some Alberta spruce. And last, we install a water feature right here...

  [pointing to the diagram Strong Bad's forehead] 

  Marzipan : ...which I think will create a great focal point for entertaining summer guests.

  [she then adds some tables and chairs around the diagram] 

  Strong Bad : Oh, this'll work great, Marzipan...

  [in her face; yelling] 

  Strong Bad : ...if I was a BACKYARD!

• [Coach Z's Nicetown Players perform a skit about being nice] 

  Coach Z : Oh, man. What a great pratty. I wonder what kid's house this is.

  Marzipan : I wonder if he likes me. Will I make the team? I wish my parents would stop fighting.

  Strong Mad : Is this my cue?

  Coach Z : Hey, Pants Pull-Upper! Nice pulled-up... pants!

  Marzipan : I shouldn't laugh, but I want to fit in. Good one, Head Male Cheerleader!

  [Strong Mad runs away crying] 

  Coach Z : My parents' room is out of town in my car. Wanna go park out?

  Marzipan : But what about that poor nerd?

  Coach Z : Ah, who cares about...

  [Strong Mad runs back in swinging a spiked baseball bat, but the scene freezes right before Coach Z and Marzipan get hit] 

  Marzipan : This is why besing mean is not always the best choice.

  [Strong Mad continues to tap Coach Z with the bat while Marzipan talks] 

• Marzipan : Word booty!

• [Strong Sad and Marzipan are picketing Strong Bad's computer usage] 

  Strong Sad , Marzipan : [chanting in unison]  Scrappy the Lappy! We think it's really crappy!

• [Marzipan and Homsar are having a tea party] 

  Marzipan : And that's why I believe the DNA evidence had been tampered with.

  [the Cheat, covered in whatsit, lands on Marzipan's table] 

  Homsar : Why, hello there, chocolate cake!

• [Strong Bad is discussing what should be done with his corpse] 

  Strong Bad : I'm gonna be taxidermied! Nothing sums up my life's achievements quite like my stuffed corpse suplexing a cougar. It'll be kept in a place of honor for all the world to want to make out with.

  [Homestar enters and hangs his hat and coat on Strong Bad's corpse] 

  Homestar Runner : Marzipan, I'm home!

  Marzipan : Did you find the DNA evidence?

  Homestar Runner : Not yet, but I'm getting close!

• Marzipan : What's the matter, Homestar?

  Homestar Runner : I miss Original Bubs.

  Marzipan : Homestar, Strong Bad made all that stuff up.

  Homestar Runner : You can't make up eyesight that good.

  [Homestar begins sobbing] 

  Homestar Runner : He could always see me from over there!

• E-mail : [with Strong Bad reading]  Dear Strongbad, what do you want for Decemberween? your holiday spirit Talon Jendro, Des Moines, IA.

  [Strong Bad does not read "Des Moines, IA"] 

  Strong Bad : [typing response]  Where'd you get that name? George Lucas? Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computery generated planet of Des' Moi-nes'ia. Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, Ta'lon. A catapult that launches balls of cobras, chainsaw car, subscription to EGM2, hot step-sister. That email writes itself. It's more important that I establish what I *don't* want for Decemberween.

  [Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan on a shopping channel] 

  Strong Bad : Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents: the ornament

  Marzipan : There's no better way to say, "I have no idea what your interests are" than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.

  Strong Bad : Yes, there's nothing like opening a gift just in time to put it in a box in the attic for a year. And next Decemberween, when you get it back out, guess what? It's still just a cool snowman surfing the Internet.

  Marzipan : Internet is *so* hot this year.

  [a phone rings] 

  Strong Bad : Oh, we got a caller.

  [he puts an empty hand next to his head] 

  Strong Bad : Go ahead, caller. How many F-R-one-one-four-P-D-C-eights should I put you down for?

  Strong Sad : [on the "phone"]  Strong Bad, did you put wildebeest pheromones in my laundry again?

  [wildebeest noises are heard over the phone] 

  Strong Sad : Augh!

  [the dial tone is heard] 

  Strong Bad : Another satisfied customer.

• [Marzipan and Strong Sad are at Club Technochocolate] 

  Marzipan : You don't look like you're having very much fun, Strong Sad.

  Strong Sad : Oh, I'm having a great time. This is my favorite club to go to and not dance. Sometimes I'll even think about dancing and then not dance. And if I'm feeling really crazy, I'll actually get out on the dance floor and bust some fresh not-dancing.

  Marzipan : Then how about I bust out some fresh not-hanging-out-with-you?

  [turns and leaves]