- Kent Brockman: Our top story, today Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breastfeeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it.
- Kent Brockman: Our top story, today Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breastfeeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it. We recommend using a homemade camera obscura, fashioned from an ordinary shoebox and paper towel tube.
- Kent Brockman: [pulls out a shoebox with tape and paper towel tubes] This was supposed to be pre-made. Fine I'll do it myself.
- Kent Brockman: [trying to peel the tape back] Where's the end of the freakin' tape?
- Kent Brockman: [throws the shoebox and tape] Forget it, we'll do it next week!
- Producer: The eclipse is today.
- Kent Brockman: There's an eclipse when I SAY THERE'S AN ECLIPSE!
- Homer Simpson: [when he goes careening off the bridge] AHHHH! WHY DID I BRING THE BABY AND THE DOG TO THE POISON STORRRRREEEE?
- Nursery Nun: [singing to a group of babies] If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin! If you're happy and you know it, that's a sin!
- Homer Simpson: [to Maggie when he places her on the steps of a convent] Now I need to leave you where you'll be safe: Under the watchful eyes of God. And I'll be watching you too, in case God's busy making tornadoes or not existing.