- Homer Simpson: Insurance is the greatest deal ever. If I get hurt, I get paid. And *man* do I get hurt!
- [cut to a montage of Homer's previous injuries]
- Homer Simpson: [laughs] What a week.
- Bart Simpson: So what's the plan now, Skinrash?
- Principal Seymour Skinner: My name is not Skinrash. It's Principal Skinner, and you will refer to me as such.
- Bart Simpson: Sure thing, Such.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: I'll deal with your insubordinate wordplay later.
- Marge Simpson, Homer Simpson: Three, two, one... Happy new year!
- Marge Simpson: Of school!
- Bart Simpson: What are you guys doing?
- Marge Simpson: It's the first day of school.
- Homer Simpson: You're the government's problem now!
- Bart Simpson: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
- Homer Simpson: Hey! Who taught you language like that?
- Bart Simpson: Kid at school.
- Homer Simpson: So you *did* learn something!
- Lisa Simpson: 96%? What did I get wrong?
- Superintendent Chalmers: Several questions.
- Lisa Simpson: Several? That's more than a few, and almost a bunch.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: When you take the practice test, be sure to use a number two pencil.
- [Holds a big pencil]
- Bart Simpson: What kind of pencil do we use?
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Number two. Take a number two.
- [Kids laugh]
- Bart Simpson: Looks like you took a big number two!
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Yes, as you can see, I have a big number two in my hands, enjoing the weight and feel of it.
- [Kids laugh; Chalmers rolls eyes]
- [Some of the book club members have just been killed and the Simpsons don't have an insurance]
- Marge Simpson: Oh my god, oh my god! We're totally liable!
- [She and Lindsay Naegle look at each other and then kiss passionately]
- Homer Simpson: Oh yeah.
- Lisa Simpson: [Thinking] Let's move on to question two. "Question two: using what you've learned from question one..."
- Lisa Simpson: [Out loud] Aaargh!
- Lisa Simpson: Bart, what did you put on question 36?
- Bart Simpson: Slurp my snot!
- Lisa Simpson: Bart!
- Bart Simpson: That was my answer. I wrote down "Slurp my snot" in the answer sheet.
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future!
- Homer Simpson: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the offramp?
- [laughs and high-fives Bart]
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Brilliant plan sending the all the underachievers to Capital City until the day after the test.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, *all* of them. Why, Seymour, I believe I left my sunglasses in the bus.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Well, I'd best retrieve them.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, you'd best.
- [as Skinner enters the bus, Chalmers motions Otto to close the door]
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Uh, sir?
- Superintendent Chalmers: So long, superstars!
- Ralph Wiggum: Mommy, I have to go potty.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Otto, pull the bus over. I said pull over!
- Otto: Huh? Sorry, I was mesmerized by the little boy's dance.
- Bart Simpson: Hey, Seymour, I just realized something. You're stuck babysitting us losers, which makes you the real loser.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: For your information, I am not a loser. I am a successful school principal who paints houses in the summertime.
- Dolph: You painted our garage in October and the paint's already peeling!
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Your father insisted on using an inferior primer!
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Let me explain this so that even the simplest can understand: You are being hidden in Capital City so that you won't weight down the test with your numbskullery and ruin the future of those students who are our future.
- Bart Simpson: Told ya.
- Kearney: Will there be other numbskulls there, sort of an numbskull Olympics?
- Jimbo Jones: Hey, let's all act like numbskulls!
- [They make dumb faces and go "duh"]
- Nelson Muntz: Guys, guys, let's save it for the competition.