- Chris: Greg? What are you doing here?
- Greg Wuliger: Got kicked out of the Bronx Academy, so I'm back.
- Chris: See you still have that coat.
- Greg Wuliger: I've changed in ways you couldn't imagine, Chris. I've seen things. I've done things. I've tasted blood and it tastes good.
- Joey Caruso: [punches Greg] Taste that, Tonto.
- Narrator: There was only one time during the day that I didn't miss Greg. Home Ec. It smelled like biscuits and it looked like Victoria's Secret. Greg wasn't there, but if there's one way to replace one good friend, it's with a bunch of strange women. Hey, that's how strip clubs were born.
- Narrator: [when Peaches and Malvo come over to Chris' house for dinner] There haven't been this many ex-cons in one place since Naomi Campbell had lunch with Amy Winehouse.
- Angel: Chris, you're a nice guy. I don't know how to say this. I don't mind working with you in class, but being seen with you out here... it's a whole other thing. I get picked on enough for the way I dress. Hanging out with you will give people one more reason.
- Narrator: I just got the "it's not you, it's me" speech from a guy who wears pumps?
- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] Dude, who was that androgynous guy you were just talking to?
- Chris: Oh, that's Angel.
- Greg Wuliger: Do I need to kick his ass?
- Narrator: Don't try it. Androgynous guys have a reputation for being great fighters.
- Chris: Nah, he's cool. He's in my Home Ec class.
- Greg Wuliger: Home Ec? Do I need to kick your ass?
- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] I gotta go beat up some nerds. Have fun at your bake-off.
- Narrator: If you don't find any nerds, you could just punch yourself in the face.