- Norman Long: ...It's not how important one feels when one dies, but rather how guilty everybody else feels.
- Norman Long: What brings you to this exceptional institution of learning?
- Emily Harris: Well, I hear they really have good fish sticks.
- Helen Black: [awkwardly] I wanted to tell you, I think that you're very provocative. I just wanted to tell you that.
- Norman Long: Oh, uh, thanks. I like your hair.
- Helen Black: Yeah, I like your face.
- [walks away mortified]
- Norman Long: [speaking to school assembly] I under-estimated you guys, but to be honest, you over-estimated me.
- Norman Long: This is good, this is fun. This is the best date I've ever been on.
- Emily Harris: Really?
- Norman Long: Yep. I mean it's the only date I've ever been on, but...
- Emily Harris: Oh, wait, I'm your first?
- Norman Long: Yes. For me, nobody's ever really taken an interest in me before.
- Emily Harris: Oh, nothing more sexy than self-pity.
- Norman Long: Well then I suck.