- Martin Prince: A bone? It could be one of the major homos!
- Bart Simpson: You're one of the major...
- Lisa Simpson: Forget it!
- [Lisa imagines being in jail]
- Guard: Bookmobile.
- Lisa Simpson: Got any Joyce Carol Oates?
- Guard: Nothing but Danielle Steele.
- Lisa Simpson: Noooo!
- Bart Simpson: See that fat lady with the moustache? That's you.
- Lisa Simpson: See that hippo rolling in dung? You're the dung.
- Marge Simpson: That's enough. You each got one in.
- Bart Simpson: Oh, but her's was better.
- Marge Simpson: Zack, you're not trying to save our marriage, you're trying to split us up. I'd rather have a chubby hubby than a sexy exy.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, Marge. If there was a reality show named "Fat Guys Who Really Love Their Wives", not only would it be an enormous ratings success, but I'd be the first one on it.
- Martin Prince: To quote Mark Twain, rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
- Nelson Muntz: Yeah, rumors of your wussiness are a hundred percent true.
- [after weighing Homer]
- Betsy: You've *gained* seven pounds.
- Homer Simpson: Well, they say muscle weighs more than fat.
- Betsy: Homer, your body is all fat.
- Kent Brockman: So, Chief, what's your final word on the Prince boy?
- Chief Wiggum: Oh, dead. Definitely dead.
- Lou: Uh, Chief, aren't we supposed to notify the family first?
- Chief Wiggum: What do you think I'm doing right now?
- Marge Simpson: It's your new diet.
- Homer Simpson: But what happened with all the other diets I'm not done with yet?
- Bart Simpson: Hey, I didn't know this park was here.
- Lisa Simpson: You wrote a report on it last week.
- Bart Simpson: The internet wrote it. I just handed it in.
- Martin Prince: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow.
- Bart Simpson: Well, I agree you blow.
- Martin Prince: Then it's a plan!
- Bart Simpson: A lot of people blow, but no one blows like you.
- Martin Prince: High praise indeed.
- Bart Simpson: If you looked up blow in the dictionary...
- Lisa Simpson: Bart, he's not gonna get it.
- Martin Prince: A bone? An unusual specimen, I wonder what it could belong to.
- Bart Simpson: Maybe it's from a Dorkasarus!
- Martin Prince: Dorkasaur... Well, that's an absurd proposition!
- Bart Simpson: You're an absurd...
- Lisa Simpson: Forget it!
- Betsy: It's all about little substitutions. If you want to eat something, eat a bell pepper. Crave something sweet? Eat a bell pepper. Want a beer? Bell pepper.
- Homer Simpson: It tastes good like pepper, but crunchy like a bell.
- Betsy: Bell pepper!
- Marge Simpson: Homer, are you cheating on your diet?
- Homer Simpson: Cheating? I'm not even gonna dignify that with eye contact.
- Nelson Muntz: I hope you two learned something from all this.
- Lisa Simpson: I learned that inside my goody-two-shoes are some very dark socks.
- Bart Simpson: And I learned that killing a nerd is not as cool as it sounds.
- Nelson Muntz: There's just one more thing...
- [turns to camera]
- Nelson Muntz: You folks have a good night.