- Juliet O'Hara: [about Lassiter's date] You told the dead clown story, didn't you?
- Carlton Lassiter: What? That is a funny story.
- Juliet O'Hara: Clowns are funny. Stories about them being shot to death? Not so much. Please tell me you didn't draw a diagram of the bullet holes.
- Carlton Lassiter: Wha - there were crayons on the table. What was I supposed to do?
- Juliet O'Hara: You took her to a restaurant that had crayons on the table?
- Shawn Spencer: Just let me leave you with this, Dutch. It doesn't take a psychic to see how much people love you. Your son came to me and hired a psychic against his better judgment to keep you alive. And you don't know this yet, but all he wants in the worid is to be more like you. You go to your son, or your wife, or anyone on your crew for that matter, and you ask them which they'd rather have: six more months with you or a million dollars. You know damn well what they'll answer, and they won't have to think about it for a second.
- Dutch the Clutch: Is... that right?
- Shawn Spencer: True story.
- [Dutch hesitates a long time, then finally reaches for his helmet]
- Dutch the Clutch: You're wrong. I *was* that kid in class who shot milk out of his eyes. And I was damn good.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: What is all this?
- Shawn Spencer: Those are forms that must be filled out so that we can be Die-Hards. Just sign them.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [reading] These release the employer from any liability in case the stunt tester is... "torn to shreds"? Stunt tester? Is that what we're doing? Are you crazy?
- Shawn Spencer: Trust me, and be cool.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Wait, this one is in case we're "accidentally chewed to death by a malfunctioning robot"? Oh, hell no!
- Shawn Spencer: Relax. We'll be fine.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [reading] "Deboned"? "Killed and re-killed"? How does that even work?
- Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be an old sponge with hair hanging off of it. I'm all over this case.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: "Mimed to death"?
- Shawn Spencer: That's clearly a typo. They meant "maimed". What, are we going to be killed by Marcel Marceau?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Marcel Marceau is dead.
- Shawn Spencer: See? There's nothing to worry about!
- Dutch the Clutch: Ain't nobody tellin' me I can't do anything no more!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [to Shawn] I think that was the worst English I've ever heard.
- Juliet O'Hara: What are you doing?
- Carlton Lassiter: Oh, I'm just talking to your friend Blair here. She's... she's great. We have so much in common!
- Juliet O'Hara: She's not my friend.
- Carlton Lassiter: What do you mean? You didn't send her down here to meet me?
- Juliet O'Hara: No. I don't invite friends to dangerous stakeouts. But I know her. She's a professional.
- Carlton Lassiter: [to Blair, dismayed] Please tell me you're a hitman.
- Shawn Spencer: Life insurance policy?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: It doesn't make any sense.
- Shawn Spencer: Tell me about it.
- [pause]
- Shawn Spencer: Dude, seriously, tell me about it. I have no idea what this means.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You never could understand legalese.
- Shawn Spencer: Oh really? Remind me who it was who set up our Psych 401K?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh, you mean our 601Ks? Because India doesn't have 401Ks.
- Shawn Spencer: It's a growth economy, Gus. We've already made, like, 500 rupee.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: That's 13 dollars.
- Karen Vick: You know, when I used to work vice, my partner was an alcoholic, and one night I went over to his house, handcuffed him to a radiator, and made him dry out. And when he finally sobered up, I gave him a choice: go into the department rehab program or chew your hand off for freedom. He chose the program.
- Juliet O'Hara: Is that a... real story?
- Karen Vick: Maybe it is, maybe I saw it on an old "Police Woman" rerun.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You're guilty of attempted patricide!
- Shawn Spencer: And... you tried to kill your own dad!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [as they follow Red, both whispering] Let me go first. I'm more stealthy.
- Shawn Spencer: In your dreams.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm as graceful as a gazelle, Shawn.
- Shawn Spencer: You are not!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: A jackal.
- Shawn Spencer: Dude, a jackal is not graceful. It's like a rabid, vicious badger.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Do I rush you when you're doing your whole, "Ooh, I'm sensing this, I'm sensing that"?
- Shawn Spencer: Always. And you usually jab me in the ribs with your elbow, which is like a chocolate harpoon.
- Shawn Spencer: [about Lassiter] I'm sensing it'll be easier to get a stranger to go out with him than someone he works with.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Or knows him.
- Shawn Spencer: Or has ever had a conversation with him.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Or he hasn't shot.
- Shawn Spencer: One more question: are we locked into the same species?
- Shawn Spencer: Apparently, you're unaware that some churros have more nutrients than carrots. Twelve more of these, I'll have my RDA of riboflavin.
- Shawn Spencer: They call this a motorcycle show? There's, like, four motorcycles here. They don't even have the bike from "Blue Thunder".
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: That was a helicopter.
- Shawn Spencer: You're right. I was thinking of "Blue Lagoon".
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: There wasn't a bike in "Blue Lagoon".
- Shawn Spencer: How did they get off the island, Gus?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You 're guilty of attempted patricide.
- Shawn Spencer: And... for trying to kill your own dad.