Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Gets Lotto Fever (2008)

Traylor Howard: Natalie Teeger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Natalie Teeger : I'm sorry, Mr. Monk, I got a little distracted.

  Adrian Monk : [sarcastically]  Is the cadaver in the way? We could move it across the street if you like.

• Billy Logan : Excuse me, new girl. New girl, you're off your mark.

  Natalie Teeger : My mark?

  Billy Logan : Yeah. The big "X" on the floor. Look where I'm pointing.

  [Natalie moves over there] 

  Stage Manager : 90 seconds!

  Natalie Teeger : 90 seconds? Wait, I never got a script! Excuse me, I never got a script!

  Billy Logan : There is no script. This is the lottery. For the love of God if there was a script, we'd all be rich!

  [to himself] 

  Billy Logan : Amateurs.

  [Billy walks off. Stan Lawrence approaches Monk, Stottlemeyer and Disher] 

  Stan Lawrence : Captain, Lieutenant. How's the investigation going?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well, we're just getting started. We've spoken to the staff, the camera crew; everybody said they left the building after the show.

  Stan Lawrence : They usually do.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well somebody was here. The girl didn't stab herself.

  Stan Lawrence : You wanted to know if Marissa received any fan mail. Some of them are very dicey, you know, personal. I put those on top.

  [He hands the stack over] 

  Billy Logan : I need quiet everybody! New girl, new girl. You're on, in 5, 4, 3, 2-

  [the show's theme music starts up. The studio cameras turn on] 

  Natalie Teeger : Good evening, people. Welcome to the Big Gold Rush Pick 6. I'm Natalie Teeger. Are you ready to play?

  [pause. Monk gives her a "get on with it" gesture] 

  Natalie Teeger : Then let's play, the lottery! And the first number is...

  [long pause. Billy Logan gestures to the button on the drum] 

  Billy Logan : [whispering]  Turn it on!

  [Natalie doesn't move] 

  Billy Logan : Turn it on!

  [Natalie presses the power button] 

  Natalie Teeger : My god!

  [the numbers come out of the drum. Natalie reads them and then sets them aside] 

  Natalie Teeger : And the first number is... 25. My mother's birthday. The next number... 52. 52... cards in a deck. The next number... 7. The Seven Dwarves.

  [Stottlemeyer tears up some fan mail] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Seven dwarves.

  [the number 32 is drawn] 

  Natalie Teeger : The next number... 32. 32 teeth.

  [clicks her teeth] 

  Natalie Teeger : [the number 10 is drawn]  10. My boss's absolute favorite number.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Aw crap!

  Natalie Teeger : Apparently not everybody's favorite.

  [the number 17 gets drawn] 

  Natalie Teeger : And the final number is 17, my daughter's age.

  [makes a little wave] 

  Natalie Teeger : Hi Julie!

  [pause] 

  Natalie Teeger : Once again the winning numbers for today are 25, 52, 7, 32, 10, and 17. So, that's it for now! Keep playing lotto.

  [pauses] 

  Natalie Teeger : You'll thank me later!

  [the music stops. Monk is dumbstruck] 

  Adrian Monk : "You'll thank me later"? That's my line. I say that!

  Lt. Randall Disher : It hurts, doesn't it?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You know I might as well flush 20 bucks down the toilet once a week.

• Adrian Monk : Do you want to put it in this evidence bag?

  [He holds up the bag, which has a number 32 on it] 

  Adrian Monk : Bag #32. Hey! 32, 3-2. 32!

  [Natalie stops posing for the crowd and walks over] 

  Natalie Teeger : Mr. Monk, are you mocking me? In public? I don't make fun of your job.

  Adrian Monk : That's because I have a real job. I'm solving a homicide here.

  Natalie Teeger : Well, I have a real job too. I am changing peoples' lives. I'm making them rich.

  Adrian Monk : You are not making them rich. You're not giving them financial advice. You're just reading little numbers off little white ping-pong balls. And if it wasn't you, they'd just hire some other bim.

  Natalie Teeger : Some other what? "Bim" what?

  Adrian Monk : Bimportant person.

  Natalie Teeger : Mr. Monk, do you think I'm a bimbo? Okay, maybe what I do isn't the most bimportant job on the planet but what do I do for you? Hand you wipes all day long? Pick up your laundry? You know people admire me now, and I admit it, I am enjoying the attention. I guess I needed it.

  Adrian Monk : Oh I'm sorry, but I can't work like this. So you're going to have to choose.

  [He gestures to himself and to Natalie's fans at the crime tape] 

  Natalie Teeger : OK, well I guess I quit.

  Adrian Monk : [relieved]  Thank god! Well call the station manager, and tell him to find somebody else.

  Natalie Teeger : No I quit you. I quit us.

  [Monk's face turns to shock, and Natalie passes under the police tape and runs off, her fans following her] 

• Natalie Teeger : [upon noticing a bus with her image on it]  I can't believe this is really happening!

  Adrian Monk : I can't either.

  [Natalie steps forward and starts to try to clean a smudge off her bus image's cheek] 

  Adrian Monk : I hate to bring this up, but we've got work to do. Remember your predecessor Marissa Kessler? Murder victim? Multiple stab wounds? Does that ring a bell?

  [Natalie steps back] 

  Natalie Teeger : Sorry, sorry.

  [They continue up the street] 

  Adrian Monk : OK, Randy and the Captain are probably already there. It should be just around the corner. It's uh, number 24.

  [Natalie stops and enters her lottery mode] 

  Natalie Teeger : 24. 24! 24!

  Adrian Monk : [agitated]  Are you done?

  [she stops] 

  Natalie Teeger : Okay let's do this! What's the guy's name? No wait, who was he again? Like, her ex-boyfriend?

  [They start walking again] 

  Adrian Monk : No! No the ex-boyfriend had an alibi! He checked out! Oh wait. That's right, you weren't at the meeting this morning.

  Natalie Teeger : But I had to shop for a dress! I can't wear the same thing every show. I had to wear the same blouse three times last week! Three!

  [stops and enters lottery mode] 

  Natalie Teeger : Three. Three tres. Three...

  [Monk taps her on the shoulder] 

  Adrian Monk : Hello?

  Natalie Teeger : Sorry, sorry. Just remind me.

  Adrian Monk : Okay, his name is Malcolm O'Dwyer. He's some kind of lottery fanatic. He wrote a bunch of fan letters to Marissa before she was killed.

  [as they approach the corner, a cabbie spots Natalie and recognizes her] 

  Friendly Cabbie : Hey! I'm a big fan!

  Adrian Monk : Thank you very much.

  Friendly Cabbie : Not you! The lotto girl! "You'll thank me later!"

  Natalie Teeger : That's not actually my line! Mr. Monk said it first!

  [the cabbie speeds off in response to impatient honking from the driver of a Toyota Prius stopped behind him] 

• [Natalie has shown up at Monk's apartment, very shaken and upset] 

  Natalie Teeger : What time is it?

  [Monk looks at his watch] 

  Adrian Monk : 5:00, one minute after.

  Natalie Teeger : Turn on the news.

  Adrian Monk : What channel?

  Natalie Teeger : Any channel.

  [Monk switches on the TV to a news bulletin] 

  Newscaster : ...a major scandal today involving the Gold Rush Lottery. As we told you before, there were two winners in last night's jackpot giveaway: Eugene Maddox, a truck driver from Rockaway Township, and Leland Stottlemeyer, a highly decorated officer of the San Francisco Police.

  [On the TV, the scene cuts to a press conference with Stottlemeyer and Eugene Maddox holding big fake $106 million checks] 

  Reporter : Mr. Maddox, what do you do for a living?

  Eugene Maddox : Well yesterday I was unemployed. Today, I guess I'm retired.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [chuckles]  That makes two of us, brother.

  Newscaster : But in a stunning development, the lottery commission suspended all payment to Captain Stottlemeyer after it was revealed that Stottlemeyer has known and worked with Natalie Teeger, the newly hired lotto ball girl. There is a newsconference...

  [Monk switches off the TV] 

  Natalie Teeger : They said we cheated.

  Adrian Monk : Why? Just because you know the Captain? Okay, it looks bad, but...

  Natalie Teeger : No, it's not just that. They said they have proof. They'd checked the equipment; there was something wrong with the machine: it was rigged.

  [breaks into tears] 

  Natalie Teeger : They said I'm going to jail!

• Natalie Teeger : [accidentally trips over some cables]  Excuse me! Do these cables have to be right here?

  Billy Logan : Yes they do, because they carry your voice from this microphone to that soundboard.

  Natalie Teeger : Well can't you move them somewhere else? They almost broke my neck.

  Billy Logan : Almost doesn't count.

  Natalie Teeger : I'll do it.

  [She starts to try to relocate the cables. Billy comes over] 

  Billy Logan : What are you doing? Put it down.

  Natalie Teeger : I'm taking care of it.

  [Stan Lawrence overhears the argument and comes over] 

  Stan Lawrence : Billy, what the hell is the matter here?

  Natalie Teeger : Stan, I can't work with this guy!

  Billy Logan : What, you can't work with me? I've been here for eight years, lady, and you're just another untalented face!

  Stan Lawrence : Billy! Calm down!

  Natalie Teeger : Untalented, huh? The ratings keep going up every night! How do you explain that?

  Billy Logan : The ratings go up when the jackpot goes up! It has nothing to do with you, you moron.

  Stan Lawrence : Billy! I've warned you before about your attitude. That's it. You're fired. Somebody call security.