Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk and the Genius (2008)
David Strathairn: Patrick Kloster
Quotes
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Patrick Kloster : This is a funeral home, Mr. Monk. My wife has just passed.
[notices Monk's grin]
Patrick Kloster : I find that grin on your face rather inappropriate.
Adrian Monk : I know how you did it.
Patrick Kloster : You still think I murdered my wife?
Adrian Monk : You set a trap...
Natalie Teeger : ...like the Poison Pawn.
Patrick Kloster : Oh you've been chatting with some chess masters. Good for you.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [on Patrick Kloster having finished despite his wife having died] It's funny. I would have been too upset to concentrate.
Patrick Kloster : I was upset, Captain. That's why it took me 44 moves to win.
Adrian Monk : Your wife came to see me this morning, Mr. Kloster.
Patrick Kloster : Did she?
Adrian Monk : She told me that you'd been planning to kill her.
Patrick Kloster : My wife was an unstable woman.
Adrian Monk : She didn't seem unstable.
Patrick Kloster : I'm sure she was.
[turning to Stottlemeyer and Disher]
Patrick Kloster : What did the medical examiner say?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Heart attack.
Natalie Teeger : You know she didn't look sick to me.
Patrick Kloster : And what medical school did you attend, Miss Teeger? My wife suffered from high blood pressure, and for most of her life, she was a heavy smoker and an alcoholic. She was also quite depressed.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What do you know about poison, Mr. Kloster?
Patrick Kloster : Not much. More than you, but not much. Although I am an expert on the Poison Pawn.
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Adrian Monk : [Elderly woman touches a coffin] Ah, I'm afraid you can't touch that. I'm sorry.
1st Elderly Woman : She was our niece.
Adrian Monk : Well, I'm a former police officer, and I'm afraid we have to borrow your niece, her remains, for a couple of days.
2nd Elderly Woman : Borrow her?
1st Elderly Woman : Yes, we have to run some toxicology tests on the body.
1st Elderly Woman : Oh, my goodness.
Adrian Monk : No, no no. We do it all the time.
[takes flowers off the top of the coffin]
Adrian Monk : We're going to cut her open, just... just a little bit, and slice off a teeny tiny... tiny piece of her liver, and her stomach, and maybe take a tiny, nearly imperceptible bit of fluid from her eyeball. Like on TV. Who likes TV?
1st Elderly Woman : But why?
Adrian Monk : The fact is, we think she might have been poisoned.
2nd Elderly Woman : But how did the poison get in the cable car?
Adrian Monk : What cable car?
1st Elderly Woman : The cable car that hit her. That's how Marjorie was killed!
Patrick Kloster : Mr. Monk, that's not my wife.
[Monk and Natalie put the flowers back on the coffin]
Patrick Kloster : My wife is right here.
[Kloster shows them a cremation box]
Patrick Kloster : I had her cremated two hours ago. As you can see, I have anticipated your every move.
Adrian Monk : Cremated?
Patrick Kloster : Yes I don't think your toxicology tests are going to do much good but you are welcome to try.
[Both Monk and Natalie give him a rather disgusted look]
Patrick Kloster : Oh I know that look. I've seen it quite often. It's how my opponents look when they know they've been beaten. Your move, Mr. Monk.
[walks out of the room]
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Patrick Kloster : [while waiting for the toxicology report to come back about his first wife] You're making a big mistake.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You made the mistake, Kloster.
Lt. Randall Disher : You should have had your first wife cremated too.
[the medical examiner returns with his report]
Medical Examiner : Sorry for the delay. We know how important this is. There was no poison in the body, we didn't find a thing.
Adrian Monk : Impossible!
Medical Examiner : The woman died of natural causes. We're sure of it.
Patrick Kloster : [getting up to head to the elevator] Thank you, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk : For what?
Patrick Kloster : Our little game. But to be honest with you, I'm sorry it's over.
[the elevator doors close]
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Patrick Kloster : Do you play chess, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk : A little.
Patrick Kloster : We should play a game sometime.
Adrian Monk : We already are.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Sir, we were wondering if you were to come downtown and give us a statement.
Patrick Kloster : I'm afraid my schedule is rather tight but I did take the opportunity of phoning ahead and reserving a room, here, at the airport security offices. It's nothing extravagent but it's got a table and uh, five chairs.
Natalie Teeger : H-How did you know there would be five of us?
Patrick Kloster : Please, Ms. Teeger, don't insult me.