- Lt. Randall Disher: [Eating a hot dog] What's that, beef or pork?
- Hotdog vendor: We use "meat".
- [Makes 'air quotes' with his fingers when he says "meat"]
- Natalie Teeger: Wh- why do you say it like that?
- George Gionopolis: We are required by law to put it in quotes.
- Harold Krenshaw: I'm talking about your new therapist, the mystery doctor, the genius you're always raving about. Who is he? Just tell me his name.
- Adrian Monk: I can't tell you. It's privileged information.
- Harold Krenshaw: No, it's not. What happens in the session is privileged. His name isn't privileged. People recommend therapists everyday. Am I right, Natalie?
- Natalie Teeger: I don't know. I just waiting for the conversation to be over.
- Adrian Monk: Ok, fine. His name is doctor... Door.
- Harold Krenshaw: Doctor Door? Is that the best you can do? I suppose if we were standing by that alarm you would've said Doctor Bell.
- Natalie Teeger: [accidentally spits water on Harold] Oh god, Harold! I'm so sorry!
- Maria Scheter: [at outdoor hot dog stand] You're not hungry?
- Adrian Monk: No, no, I'm fine. I ate... yesterday.
- Adrian Monk: Hello, my name is Adrian... .
- Maria Scheter: I can't talk to you right now, okay? The councilwoman is missing. It's a madhouse in here. Thank God it's Friday.
- Natalie Teeger: It's not Friday.
- Maria Scheter: Who told you that?
- Natalie Teeger: Well, no one... .
- Maria Scheter: [Answering telephone] Councilwoman Hill's office, can you hold? Hello? They hung up.
- Adrian Monk: I - I think you disconnected them.
- Maria Scheter: Why would I do that?
- Adrian Monk: I. Don't. Know.
- Natalie Teeger: I'm Natalie Teeger; this is Adrian Monk. We're working with the police. We're looking for Councilwoman Hill.
- Maria Scheter: You should have called first.
- Natalie Teeger: I tried, we tried, but you kept putting us on hold...
- Maria Scheter: [Answering telephone again] Councilwoman Hill's office. Can I help? Hello?
- Natalie Teeger: ...and hanging up on us.
- Maria Scheter: I'm new here.
- Adrian Monk: Really. I never would have guessed that.
- Maria Scheter: Are you patronizing me?
- Adrian Monk: No, I'm insulting you.
- Adrian Monk: Eileen Hill was a well educated, professional woman. She was an adult. This woman
- [pointing to Maria Scheter]
- Adrian Monk: on the other hand is a dolt! Adult - dolt - adult - dolt - adult -dolt - adult - dolt...
- Natalie Teeger: [sideways to Monk] Mr. Monk she is right here!
- Adrian Monk: She knows she's an idiot. She can't even answer a phone. Have you ever tried talking to her? It's torture. Question: why would Eileen hire a moron like that?