- Homer Simpson: Son, from the day I met you, we didn't always see eye to eye, but since then I've really grown to respect you. And unlike love, respect can't be bought.
- Skinner: Where do you think you're going?
- Bart Simpson: Go back to your knitting, Seymour.
- Skinner: I will, but not because you told me to.
- Bart Simpson: [making Skinner dance with magnets] This almost makes me want to learn how magnets work.
- Homer Simpson: I'll have you know I love this car as much as I love my children.
- [drives off with Lisa in the loaner car]
- Lisa Simpson: Uh, dad?
- Homer Simpson: [drives back] Oops! Sorry, Maggie.
- Bart Simpson: I've had this planned for a long time. We're gonna egg Skinner's house.
- Nelson Muntz: We've already egged his car, his house, and his father's grave. How is this gonna be any different?
- Bart Simpson: Because we're using an ostrich egg.
- [all gasp]
- Bart Simpson: Usually you can't get them unless you buy an ostrich and wait.
- Donny: How much of it is yolk?
- Bart Simpson: The whole thing!
- Nelson Muntz, Donny: Ooooh!
- Nelson Muntz: Hard to believe this came out of some animal's butt. It's beautiful in it's own way.
- Homer Simpson: Come, Marge. Your loaner car awaits.
- [pushes unlock button]
- Marge Simpson: Homer, did you just open the car from the outside? Oooh!
- Bart Simpson: You were tired of being under my shadow.
- Milhouse: No, I'm not! I like being under your shadow! It's nice and cool!
- Principal Skinner: You see, the rat who told you about *my* rat was also a rat.
- Groundskeeper Willie: It was rats within rats!... which was also me dinner last night.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Now that we have a man on the inside, we'll put Bart Simpson away from a long, long time.
- Principal Skinner: By long, the most we can give him is five days suspension.
- Superintendent Chalmers: That's long for a kid.
- Groundskeeper Willie: I have some information for you, but it's gonna be hard to hear.
- Bart Simpson: Why, because of your stupid accent?
- Groundskeeper Willie: Ach, nay! Because of it's upsetting nature.