- Garfield: [singing] Oh, 99 kettles of soup on the heat, 99 kettles of soup. If one of those kettles I happen to eat, 98 kettles of soup on the heat!
- Jon Arbuckle: A police siren? I wonder what he wants.
- Garfield: Probably wants to give you a ticket for not feeding your cat enough.
- P. Dempsey Weevil: [holds a magnifying glass over the tiny sign] There you are, clear as day. Speed limit: 8 miles an hour. Here's your ticket.
- Jon Arbuckle: An ant couldn't read that sign!
- Jon Arbuckle: It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.
- Garfield: Whenever anyone says that, it's always the money.
- Garfield: Just pay the ticket.
- Jon Arbuckle: I know, Garfield. You probably think I should just pay the ticket.
- Garfield: Ugh! Here comes the "I have to stand up for my rights" speech.
- Jon Arbuckle: I have to stand up for my rights!
- Garfield: Hey, do I know my Arbuckle?
- P. Dempsey Weevil: [while posing as a judge] I hereby fine you $100.
- Jon Arbuckle: $100?
- [Garfield and Odie start pushing Jon out of the courtroom]
- Garfield: Let's go. Court's adjourned or, if it isn't, it should be.
- Jon Arbuckle: [while fleeing from Weevil] I'm a fugitive from the law.
- Garfield: He's not the law. He's as phony as wax lasagna.
- [Jon's car roof is torn off after driving under a truck]
- Jon Arbuckle: My car!
- Garfield: Well, you always wanted a convertible.
- [the policemen have arrested Weevil and released Jon]
- Policeman: You can go, Mr. Arbuckle. We'll run this phony officer in.
- Jon Arbuckle: You mean he wasn't a policeman? I'm not under arrest? Garfield, you saved me. How can I ever repay you?
- [Garfield shows Jon a picture in the paper]
- Jon Arbuckle: An umbrella? You want me to buy you an umbrella?
- [Garfield nods]
- Jon Arbuckle: Huh, okay, but I don't see why.
- [later, Jon drives his car, which is still missing its roof, in the rain]
- Jon Arbuckle: Okay, now I see why.
- [Garfield and Odie are sitting in the back seat dry, under the umbrella]
- Garfield: [singing] 69 kettles of soup on the heat, 69 kettles of soup. If one of those kettles I happen to eat, 68 kettles of soup on the heat!
- Wade Duck: Hey, oh, Roy. Let me tell you what I am doing.
- Roy Rooster: Must you?
- Wade Duck: I must. In an attempt to begin dealing with all the things I fear, I have made a list of them all.
- Roy Rooster: No wonder there's a paper shortage.
- [Roy notices he and Wade are underwater]
- Roy Rooster: Pardon moi, ducky, but haven't you noticed things around here getting a bit, uh, ahem, moist, hmm?
- Wade Duck: So we're at the bottom of the ocean. Bottom of the ocean.
- [looks at his long list of fears]
- Wade Duck: Uh, bottom of the ocean, bottom of the ocean, bottom of the ocean.
- Roy Rooster: It's not on your list.
- Wade Duck: Well, I'll write it in.
- [writes it]
- Wade Duck: "Bottom of the ocean." There. Help! Oh, help! I'm at the bottom of the ocean! Oh, help, help, help!
- Orson Pig: [reads his book] "As the explorers moved along the ocean floor, they could barely..."
- [Roy takes the book]
- Orson Pig: Hey!
- Roy Rooster: Let me see that.
- [reads the cover of the book]
- Roy Rooster: "Journey to the Bottom of the Sea." As I suspected. When you get caught up in a book, the rest of us get caught up in your fantasies.
- Orson Pig: Can I help it if I have a vivid imagination?
- Roy Rooster: Yeah, but when you read a Western, we have a stampede. When you read a book about dinosaurs, we have Tyrannosauruses here. Last week, you were reading a cookbook and I got chased by two cups of flour and a pound of butter.
- Orson Pig: [to Wade] Imagination can't harm you.
- [Roy runs by, being chased by a girl dog he accidentally kissed during a fantasy]
- Roy Rooster: Wanna bet?
- Orson Pig: I'm so frustrated, I feel like slamming a door, but there's no door around. So, I'll imagine one.
- Wade Duck: [while chasing the weasel] You go away and stay away, you weasel, you!
- Roy Rooster: Uh, Orson, are you imagining Wade chasing the weasel all over the farm?
- Orson Pig: No, are you?
- Roy Rooster: No, I was hoping you were.
- Orson Pig: Oh. Oh, come on! He needs our help!
- Roy Rooster: Wade or the weasel?
- [the weasel starts chasing Wade]
- Roy Rooster: Orson, do something!
- Orson Pig: I'm trying to imagine something up, but I-I can't concentrate.
- Roy Rooster: [gives Orson a train schedule] Here, try this.
- Orson Pig: An old train schedule? Well, okay.
- [the weasel closes in on Wade]
- Wade Duck: May I say a few words on my behalf?
- [before the weasel can answer, he hears a train horn, then sees a train coming towards him]
- The Weasel: Help!
- [the train chases the weasel away]
- The Weasel: Help!
- Roy Rooster: Well, I guess everything worked out okay except...
- Girl Dog: Oh, Roy, darling! There you are! Ho ho ho!
- Roy Rooster: That. See you around, guys.
- [Roy runs away]
- Orson Pig: Roy, where are you going?
- [the girl dog chases after Roy]
- Roy Rooster: I'm gonna catch that train!
- [Garfield turns on the TV, but only gets static]
- Garfield: Uh-oh. Mission control, we have a problem.
- Jon Arbuckle: Oh, Garfield, the cable's out.
- Garfield: [continues pressing the remote] What's wrong with this thing?
- Jon Arbuckle: Did you hear what I said? The cable's out.
- Garfield: [looks at the remote] Maybe it needs new batteries.
- Jon Arbuckle: [grabs Garfield] Garfield, listen to me carefully. The... cable... is... out.
- [Garfield stares for a moment]
- Garfield: THE CABLE'S OUT? No! Say it isn't so, Arbuckle! The cable can't be out! It can't be out!
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, I'm sorry you can't turn the TV on, but maybe this'll do just as well.
- [Jon gives Garfield a book]
- Garfield: [aims the book at the TV] Um! Um! No, this doesn't turn the TV on either.
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, that's not a remote control. It's a book.
- Garfield: Oh, yeah. I've seen these. Any recipes in here?
- Jon Arbuckle: Who ate my spaghetti? Why did you ask that, Jon? You know perfectly well who ate your spaghetti.
- [thanks to Garfield, the cable guy refuses to fix the cable and leaves]
- Jon Arbuckle: No cable, no TV. What are we going to watch this evening?
- [thinks for a moment]
- Jon Arbuckle: I have an idea.
- [later, Garfield, Jon, and Odie are sitting down, watching the washing machine]
- Jon Arbuckle: Don't complain, guys. It's all we've got.
- Garfield: Do you know what the really sad part of this is? This isn't that much less entertaining.