- Adam Dynes: So, what's your favorite animal?
- Molly Taylor: My favorite mammal is the dolphin. I got to swim with them last year in Hawaii.
- Adam Dynes: You know, the dolphin is the only animal to actually, uh...
- Molly Taylor: ...have sex for fun? I know.
- Adam Dynes: That's why they're in my top five.
- Clinton: Is it true nuns are married to God?
- Father Bailey: Yes. Yes, nuns have taken a vow of celibacy.
- Clinton: Didn't YOU?
- Father Bailey: Yes. Yes, I did.
- Clinton: So, are you married to God, too?
- Father Bailey: I think I know where you're going with this, Clifford, and I... I-I'm not gay. And neither's God. Ask Sister Vasquez. Of course, you know, the wife's usually the last one to find out.
- Adam Dynes: [in the confessional] Father, do you ever wonder what it would be like to have a normal life?
- Father Bailey: If by "normal life" you mean finding my soulmate, falling in love, and she's kind and nurturing and she loves me just as much as I love her, in spite of my flaws, and we get married and have children, and... and I coach my son's baseball team and one day walk my daughter down the aisle--they have kids and so we're grandparents--and then we retire early and I buy one of those huge RVs, like at least a 60-footer, with satellite TV, and we travel around the whole country together... no, I... I've never thought of that. Besides, I have you kids to take care of. So, what's up?
- Molly Taylor: We're OVER, Marc. I can't believe you talked me into this.
- Marc Dixon: You can't do this to me today. It's game day.
- Honest Girl: Nobody will be, like, honest with me like you will. Are we really over?
- Adam Dynes: Honestly... you're kind of slutty and annoying--but I'll call you if I ever get lonely.
- Honest Girl: You're irresistible.
- Adam Dynes: OK, look, I don't care if you do like her. You just went out with her last night. You do not call her for four days.
- Chester: Come on...
- Adam Dynes: Not-not-not four days, all right? After four days you don't call her, she'll be excited.
- Molly Taylor: Do lines like that usually work?
- Adam Dynes: B'ah... Well, I've... I've experienced a fair amount of success with them, yes.
- Danny Bonaduce: I'm here for a couple of reasons. One, I'm here to make up for a few hours of community service that I ACCIDENTALLY overlooked, but also I'm here 'cause I'm sure a few of you have heard that I've had problems in my past relationships due to alcohol, drugs, anger management issues, steroids, infidelity, and my inability to tell a transvestite from an actual woman.
- Dudley: Ever take a dump naked?
- Chester: I sleep naked.
- Dudley: It's liberating.
- Adam Dynes: Ah, good to hear the usual intellectual banter.
- Adam Dynes: You're the most amazing girl I've ever met, so, um, tonight I thought we could get a little closer.
- Molly Taylor: Adam, we've talked about this.
- Adam Dynes: Yeah, that's all we ever do is talk about it. I think I've been really patient with you.
- Molly Taylor: Patient? You think you've been "patient" with me?
- Jerry: That was different, but... You've shown me attitude and humor, and now anger, but you've never shown your soul. I just don't see enough to sign you guys.