- Mr Porter: [while stroking his ailing sow's neck] Tell me, what's the most important question you should ask yourself before getting married?
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: [while examining the sow] I have my finger in your pig's anus!
- Mr Porter: You want me to help you, then I'd dare to humor me.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: Does she make me happy?
- Mr Porter: No, close. Very close. Would almost give you that. Actually, go to the wrong way up. It's do I make her happy? End of the day, that's all it's about.
- Isobel: I'm going to have a natural birth - none of those icky drugs, or anything.
- Dr. Martin Ellingham: God forbid you should use "icky drugs" when you could experience the excruciating agony of childbirth in the raw.
- Al Large: I mean, we can't have the reception here, can we?
- Bert Large: She could go again. Look at it. I mean the whole thing's a disaster, isn't it?
- Al Large: Unless... You still got that mate that does carnivals?
- Bert Large: What? Are you thinking about a marquee? Oh, I see what you're thinking, boy. I mean, it could work. It might work. It's just, have you any idea how much those things cost? And then you've got to pay someone to put it up.
- Al Large: We do that, don't we? I mean, it can't be too hard, can it? As for the cost, well, it's the doc's wedding. And think of the publicity, Dad. You know, the whole village will be able to see what we can do. "Large and Large for every occasion."
- Bert Large: It's a good idea, boy, isn't it? I mean, "Large Restaurant turns wedding disaster into a perfect romance." Not a dry eye in the house.
- Al Large: Nothing says romance like a 20-foot-high circus tent.
- Bert Large: I'll make the call.