Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk and the Three Julies (2008)
Ted Levine: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Quotes
-
[the trio pull up to a suspect's decrepit house, in Stottlemeyer's banged-up car]
Lt. Randall Disher : What a dump.
Adrian Monk : But you can tell it used to be beautiful. How could something like this happen?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I don't know, maybe Natalie drove it someplace.
-
Adrian Monk : [after Disher turns up a promising lead] What about your other idea? You said you had two.
Lt. Randall Disher : Oh, yeah... well, it's a just a theory, just brainstorming.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [looks at the DVD in Disher's hand] "The Terminator"? You think he might be a robot assassin sent from the future?
Lt. Randall Disher : Well, he was killing women with the same name. Forget it.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [imitating Schwarzenegger] Sarah Connor, come with me if you want to live.
Lt. Randall Disher : That was T-2.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well, maybe we could lure him to a smelting plant on the outskirts of town.
Lt. Randall Disher : Can I have that back, please?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [still imitating] And things of this nature...
-
[on a stakeout, Stottlemeyer hears scratching over the wire]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Randy, what are you doing?
[Upstairs, Randy is dressed in drag and a gray wig in a rocking chair, and finds that his "bra" is extremely itchy]
Lt. Randall Disher : My bra's itching. How do they walk around in this stuff?
Police Technician : This is a new low.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Actually, it's not a new low. That's the sad part.
-
Natalie Teeger : [on her cell phone, trying to call Julie. She leaves a message] It's me again. Please, I need to hear your voice. Call me when you get this.
[Natalie hangs up and she starts walking away]
Police Dispatcher : [on a uniformed cop's radio] Tentative ID on the victim is Julie Teeger.
[Natalie stops, and listens carefully]
First Uniform Cop : Unit 9, could you repeat the name of the victim?
Police Dispatcher : Julie Teeger. That's "T" for "Thomas." Teeger.
First Uniform Cop : Unit 9, this has got to be a mix up. We're already at the Teeger scene, on Bow Street.
Police Dispatcher : I don't know what to tell you, buddy. I'm looking at her ID right now. The picture matches. It's definitely her.
[Natalie, who is standing just a few feet away, runs over to Stottlemeyer's car. She is getting in just as Monk, Stottlemeyer and Disher are finishing up inside and are coming out of the house]
Adrian Monk : [noticing Natalie in the car] Natalie? Natalie!
[She starts to speed off]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What the hell is her problem?
-
Julie Teeger : Mr. Monk, please, please, I am begging you. You were a teenager once, right?
Adrian Monk : Very briefly.
Julie Teeger : Well, then you know!
[being led across the squad room, a handcuffed Matthew catches sight of Julie, and her name written on the binder in her arms]
Matthew Teeger : Are you Julie Teeger?
[Julie freezes]
Matthew Teeger : That's my mother's name.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Hey... hey, get him the hell out of here!
Matthew Teeger : [as he is hustled out] You'd better be careful, Julie Teeger.
[Julie is frozen for a moment]
Sergeant Harris : Are you okay?
Julie Teeger : [shaken, but nods, then turns to Monk] Oh my God, he is so the guy!
-
Lt. Randall Disher : He's never gonna buy this.
Adrian Monk : Dr. Kroger thinks he will. Matthew Teeger has suffered a pure psychotic break, he's in complete denial. His mother never died, not to him.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : The important thing is, that we keep him talking.
Lt. Randall Disher : What if he has a knife?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : He's right. We need a code, a phrase, in case he's in trouble.
Lt. Randall Disher : Uh, how about, "Mother of God, he has a knife!"?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No it has to be covert, sound conversational.
Adrian Monk : How about this: "I wish there were ten of them."
-
[after arriving at a crime scene in a patrol car - due to Natalie having taken his - Stottlemeyer goes over to his new car, and finds that it looks like someone rammed the car into a wall]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What the hell happened? It was only two miles.
Natalie Teeger : I took a shortcut. I cut across the creek.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [bewildered] There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie Teeger : I know.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie Teeger : Yes, I know.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : There is no bridge across the creek.
Natalie Teeger : Captain, I am sorry. I will pay for everything.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : It's okay. It's insured.
[tries once more to get a smudge off the battered hood of the car]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I think I need to be alone.
Natalie Teeger : Here.
[She tries to bang the hood down a few times. Due to the fact that it has crumpled up, it won't fit completely. She and Randy walk away]
-
[Captain Stottlemeyer arrives with a police detail to transfer Natalie and Julie to the police station]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You'll have a TV, your own bathroom...
Natalie Teeger : What happened?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Nothing, I'm just being extra cautious, that's all.
Natalie Teeger : Captain, something happened! You have to tell me, I'm her mother.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : All right. I thought it was a fairly common name, I thought we'd get dozens of hits, but we checked Washington, Oregon, went as far east as Colorado...
Natalie Teeger : And?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : And she's the only Julie Teeger within a thousand miles.
Julie Teeger : [scared] ... You mean the only one left.
-
Lt. Randall Disher : [enters the squad room carrying a file and a DVD] Captain, Monk, I've got two ideas.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Two ideas?
Lt. Randall Disher : Which one do you want first?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : The one that'll make me less pissed off.
Lt. Randall Disher : [thinks a moment, holds up the file] Theory A: I remembered this old case, Matthew Teeger, 35 years old. The guy's been committed twice for acute schizophrenia and delusions.
Adrian Monk : Any arrests?
Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah, assault. Three years ago he attacked his stepfather. He said he was defending his mother. Apparently he's obsessed with her. Guess what her name is?
[Stottlemeyer shows Monk the file]
Adrian Monk : *Julia* Teeger.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : A history of violence and a mother obsession.
Adrian Monk : I like it.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I like it, too. Let's talk to this guy.