- Ned: [nervous upon meeting his step-brothers] I just thought I'd drop by because... basically... we have the same dad.
- [brothers embrace him]
- Ned: MAURICE? And RALSTON? I'm glad dad got so fun & creative with naming after I left! Goodbye, Ned. Hello, Mecutio & Ribald!
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: You have the same eyebrows as him!
- Olive Snook: They do! They do! I said that twice, once for each of you.
- Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles: I mean, everyone needs family.
- Ned: You're my family.
- [to Olive]
- Ned: And you, to a slightly lesser degree.
- Olive Snook: Thanks, to a slightly lesser degree.
- Ned: Who were you gambling with?
- Bao Ting: I tell you that, and I'm a dead man!
- Emerson Cod: See, what we need now is a mirror.
- Mei Ting: I don't know why my mother hired you. My father's death was an accident.
- Emerson Cod: Your mother had a hunch. I could gold-leaf my bathroom with what made off my hunches.
- Emerson Cod: You think just 'cause you dead, you ain't gonna tell us what you was up to, but you are so wrong.