Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)
Ryan Vampire Slayer (1997)
Nikki Cox: Tiffany Malloy
Quotes
-
[first lines]
Ryan Malloy : What's wrong, sis? You look pale. You okay?
Tiffany Malloy : No. I gave blood. And of course, then I fainted, and they had to give it back. You know, I really don't think my blood would be happy in a sick person's body.
[slaps her arm where the needle had been:]
Tiffany Malloy : Welcome back!
-
Bunny : [cheerleader enters school library] Right! Come on, everyone! Let's see some school spirit!
[starts doing cartwheels]
Ryan Malloy : Oh, boy, I love that Bunny Muffovich.
[to Tiffany:]
Ryan Malloy : You know, there's something about a girl upside-down in a pleated skirt that makes you wanna drive a big truck.
[as Tiffany looks at him:]
Ryan Malloy : You know, over a bridge. Or maybe through a tunnel. Yeah, a tunnel!
Tiffany Malloy : Well... Go talk to her!
Ryan Malloy : I'm gonna go talk to her! How do I look? Nose clear?
[tilts his head back]
Tiffany Malloy : [has little flashlight handy] Uh, just keep your head down.
Ryan Malloy : [approaches blonde girl] Hello, dear. Would you allow me to, uh, buy you a cookie, or some turn of the century peanut butter crackers?
Bunny : You honestly think I'd eat something with you?
Ryan Malloy : I was just being polite. Shall we go right to bed?
Bunny : I'm sorry, I'm busy every night for the rest of my life.
[turns her back on Ryan]
Tiffany Malloy : [Ryan slumped back to her dejectedly] Well?
Ryan Malloy : She's busy every night.
Tiffany Malloy : That is so rude! You went to the trouble of keeping your head down for her. The least she can do is come up with a believable excuse for you. You go back over there and you make her *work* to turn you down!
Ryan Malloy : [marches back, confronts the girl] Busy doing *what?*
Bunny : I work.
Ryan Malloy : All right. Well, I'll come visit you at work.
Bunny : You can't! Because I'm a... I'm a... a... a vampire slayer!
Ryan Malloy : A vampire slayer? Well, I killed a vampire once. Actually, it was a vampire cat. No, it was a vampire kitten. No, it was just a regular kitten. A wuvable widdle kitten.
[raises up his face]
Ryan Malloy : Little squished kitty in heaven, please forgive Ryan...!
Bunny : If you'll excuse me, I have to go somewhere where you aren't.
[does more cartwheels]
Bunny : Go, Northridge!
Ryan Malloy : [notices banana peel lying on floor, and his thoughts are heard:] No! No! Bunny the Slayer might slip and get hurt. Must save. I know, I'll knock the banana peel out of the way with these marbles.
[which of course has disastrous consequences]
-
Tiffany Malloy : I hate vampires! I know it's irrational, I know it doesn't make any sense, but I know it's true! Vampires exist! How else do you explain Yoko Ono and Priscilla Presley living off the dead? I don't like vampires!
Ryan Malloy : Yeah, but they like you. They go for pale virgins, you know. Much different from your average guy.
Tiffany Malloy : [as her little brother enters] Hey, Ross, do you believe in vampires?
Ross Malloy : Of course I do. How else do you explain Yoko Ono and Priscilla Presley living off the dead?
-
Ryan Malloy : I've been given special powers.
Tiffany Malloy : Oh, no! I'm not gonna sing another damn theme song. Remember when you were Lightning Boy?
Tiffany Malloy : [from last year] Mild-mannered Ryan was sitting in the rain / when he got struck by lightning and now he's still the same / he's Lightning Boy...
Ryan Malloy : I like it!
Ryan Malloy : This is different. That Lightning Boy thing was just a... a big misunderstanding. This time I've been chosen. I'm gonna kill vampires!
Tiffany Malloy : [hesitantly] Vampires?
Ryan Malloy : I'm Ryan - Vampire Slayer. I know you're gonna roll your eyes and tell me there's no such thing as vampires.
Tiffany Malloy : Oh, no, I believe in vampires. As a matter of fact, I'm deathly afraid of vampires. I have been ever since I was a little girl.