- Dr. Hibbert: I just need to make sure your vertebrae are properly aligned. This should take only a minute, and cost about a thousand dollars.
- Homer Simpson: [singing operatically] D'oh!
- Marge Simpson: That doesn't sound like Homer's usual annoyed grunt.
- Dr. Hibbert: Hmm.
- Homer Simpson: [singing operatically as Hibbert pokes him in the stomach] D'oh!
- [in a lower pitch as Hibbert does so again]
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- Dr. Hibbert: Fascinating. When Homer's on his back, his stomach lodges perfectly under his diaphragm, giving him a powerful singing voice.
- Bart Simpson: Is that a real thing?
- Lisa Simpson: It is! Tenor Andrea Bocelli recorded an entire song on his back.
- Dr. Hibbert: You know, Homer, your singing could help alleviate patient suffering, and save us a fortune in Demerol.
- Marge Simpson: Sir, thank you for saving us. Do you want to come in for some coffee?
- Julia: [taking off her helmet and shaking out her hair] That's right, I'm a woman.
- Homer Simpson: A lady motorcycle driver? What is this, the Twilight Zone?
- Plácido Domingo: You know, Homer, there is one thing about opera that has always bugged me: everyone sings instead of talking. But you made me believe I was in a magical world where singing *is* talking.
- Homer Simpson: Thanks! You know, of the Three Tenors, you're my second favorite. No, wait, I forgot about that other guy. Sorry, you're third.
- Dr. Hibbert: Homer, you have a mild back sprain. And you also ingested a dangerous quantity of grave dirt.
- Homer Simpson: Well, you're always telling me I should eat more dirt.
- Dr. Hibbert: Not dirt, vegetables!
- Homer Simpson: Which grow in what?
- Homer Simpson: So, did you see the show tonight? Remember the part where I forgot the words and I just sang "Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's"? I'm hoping they send me a case.
- Julia: [unzipping her one-piece motorcycle suit] Now listen, Homer. You can have me anytime you want me.
- Homer Simpson: [a little frightened] Marge!
- Julia: But if you say one word to your wife, I'll tell her you attacked me.
- Marge Simpson: [in the kitchen] What is it, sweetie?
- Homer Simpson: Um... everyone's wearing clothes in here.
- Marge Simpson: That's nice.
- Marge Simpson: I'm so tense. I can't enjoy Count Almaviva serenading the intended bride of Dr. Bartolo. I just can't.
- Lisa Simpson: I don't see anything suspicious. Except someone is loudly unwrapping their candy.
- Moe Szyslak: It ain't candy, it's a lamb chop wrapped in foil.
- Homer Simpson: I just have one question. What is this movie about?
- Director: [face-palming] For the last time, it's not a movie!
- Homer Simpson: Excuse me, "film".
- Bart Simpson: [after Homer's opera debut] Dad, you were great!
- Lisa Simpson: And you contributed to our culture!
- Homer Simpson: Well, I didn't mean to.
- Lisa Simpson: No, no. It's a good thing.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, good. This makes up for me showing up drunk to the father/daughter dance.
- Lisa Simpson: The dance isn't 'til next week.
- Homer Simpson: Sorry, Lisa. Can't change the future.
- Bart Simpson: Hey, Mom, do all conductors carry poison blow-darts in their pocket?
- Marge Simpson: Well, Arthur Fiedler used to, but I'd better take a look.
- [recognizing Julia as the conductor]
- Marge Simpson: Chief Wiggums! The maestro is the killer!
- Chief Wiggum: [putting on a Viking helmet backstage] All right, I'm going in.
- [falling into the orchestra pit from the loud noise]
- Chief Wiggum: [on top of a kettle drum] Allegro! Allegro!
- [the musicians begin playing faster]
- Chief Wiggum: I mean andante. Andante!
- [sighing as they slow down]
- Chief Wiggum: Ah, yeah.
- Marge Simpson: Chief, I think we should cancel the performance.
- Chief Wiggum: No can do, Marge. My first duty is to the season-ticket holders. But don't worry, I've got the entire opera house on a complete lockdown. I got sharpshooters on the gargoyles, inflatable Homer decoys in the seats, and to take out the biggest threat of all, we're pre-crashing the chandelier.
- Homer Simpson: [singing arpeggios to practice his voice] D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, whoo-hoo. Stu, stu, stu, stu-pid Flanders.
- Ned Flanders: [poking his head in] Why the crescendo, my dear old friend-o?
- Homer Simpson: [singing] Get lost, you waste of a mustache.
- Ned Flanders: [leaving] Okily-dokily.
- Homer Simpson: [finding a snake in his cereal, he whacks it against the fridge] Ahh! Die, you stupid cobra! Die! Die!
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, I think someone's trying to kill you.
- Homer Simpson: Who could it be? A disgruntled former employee? Whoever it is, the cobra is their symbol.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, Homer, you've got to try this roast beef au jus.
- Homer Simpson: [taking a bite] Mmm! Au jus! Not quite gravy, not quite blood.
- Lisa Simpson: Look at the crowd around that table.
- Bart Simpson: It must be a make-your-own-sundae bar!
- Homer Simpson: [pushing past people] Oh, I can't wait to taste that hot fudge and caramel and crushed nuts all slathered over a delicious... ELDERLY CORPSE?
- Lisa Simpson: [mortified] We crashed a funeral!
- Marge Simpson: Oh, my god! Quick, everyone put on their long faces.
- [the family puts on expressions of sadness]
- Marge Simpson: Longer!
- Montgomery Burns: Ah, nothing lifts my spirits like shopping.
- [walking through the hospital morgue]
- Montgomery Burns: Let's see, I'll take his liver, a case of Adam's apples, that motorcycle man's moustache.
- Waylon Smithers: Oh, the money you've contributed to anti-helmet laws has really paid off, sir.
- Montgomery Burns: Well, young people are my future.
- [hearing Homer singing]
- Montgomery Burns: That beautiful voice! It's making my heart race!
- Waylon Smithers: It's coming from down the hall.
- Montgomery Burns: To the Betty and Herbert Weinstein Pavilion!
- Reverend Lovejoy: This concludes our service. Go now in the peace of the Lord.
- Homer Simpson: So long, suckers!
- [ushering the family out]
- Homer Simpson: Move it, move it, move it! Do you want to be second out of the parking lot? DO YOU?
- [Lisa trips]
- Homer Simpson: Leave her!
- Marge Simpson: We left her last week, and she didn't make it home for dinner!
- Homer Simpson: [getting in the car and peeling out] You'll never catch me, Lord!
- Marge Simpson: [after Sunday mass] Well, where should we go for brunch? Griddler on the Roof? Thank God It's Fried Eggs? Luftwaffles? Bodacious Frittatas? Buffet the Hunger Slayer?
- Homer Simpson: I wanna say one!
- Marge Simpson: Be my guest.
- Homer Simpson: Denny's.
- [dejected groan]
- Homer Simpson: Oh...
- Bart Simpson: Every place has such a long line.
- Homer Simpson: Don't worry. We'll just go home. Your mother can cook.
- Lisa Simpson: I just want a simple salad with pine nuts, haricots verts, seasonal heirloom tomatoes...
- Marge Simpson: Forget it! One day a week, I should be able to put on nice clothes and have someone bring food to me.
- Bart Simpson: There's a place... with no line!
- Homer Simpson: Whoo-hoo!
- Lisa Simpson: [seeing a catering van] Bart, that's not a restaurant, it's somebody's house.
- Homer Simpson: Lisa's right, son. Your mom is way too classy to crash a private...
- Marge Simpson: [crawling through a window in the basement] I'm not cooking!
- Montgomery Burns: The Springfield Opera House, of which I am founder, artistic director, and standing ovation starter, is producing "La Boheme". I want you to sing the lead.
- Homer Simpson: But I can only sing lying on my back.
- Montgomery Burns: Eh, we'll cover it with a re-write.
- Woman: [the Simpsons accidentally crash a stranger's funeral] My brother twisted his ankle setting up the chairs.
- Homer Simpson: [feigning sadness] Will the tragedies that stalk this family never cease?
- Woman: Would you like to be a pallbearer?
- Homer Simpson: Of course.
- [cut to him helping carry the casket]
- Homer Simpson: I thought she said "polar bear".
- Man: Please, sir, a little respect for the dead.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, yes, of course.
- [falling into an open grave]
- Homer Simpson: Whoa! Oh, my back! It hurts, and not in a good way.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, man, that church service was so boring. I did a whole book of Find-A-Words.
- Lisa Simpson: Ugh, dad, all you circled were the "I"s and "A"s.
- Homer Simpson: Those are words.
- Homer Simpson: Let me make something very clear: my heart belongs to Marge, and you can never, ever have it. This opera's over when the fat man sings.
- Julia: All right, Homer. I understand perfectly. You shall never be mine.
- Homer Simpson: That's good. You've calmly accepted that you will never have the only man you could ever love. Now, I think it would be best if you left.
- [she heads to the door]
- Homer Simpson: Julia, wait!
- Julia: [hopeful] Yes?
- Homer Simpson: Before you go, could you hire your own replacement?
- [whispering]
- Homer Simpson: But make sure she's not crazy like you.
- Marge Simpson: I'm sorry you got hurt, but you learned an important lesson. No one comes between me and my Homie.
- Julia: [surly] I'll get you for this, Marge, if it's the last thing I do.
- [brightly]
- Julia: Oh, and I scheduled the cable guy to come on Wednesday between 10:00 and 2:00.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, but Wednesday's not good for me.
- Julia: I know, Marge. I know.
- [laughing evily]
- Homer Simpson: Well, that's it. I'm retiring from the opera. It's just too popular. And I know something much more fun I can do on my back.
- [at the house, he paints a mural of the family on the ceiling of the family room]
- Homer Simpson: Singing opera made me good at painting.
- Bart Simpson: Is that a real thing?
- Lisa Simpson: No.