The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer of Seville (2007)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Hibbert : I just need to make sure your vertebrae are properly aligned. This should take only a minute, and cost about a thousand dollars.

  Homer Simpson : [singing operatically]  D'oh!

  Marge Simpson : That doesn't sound like Homer's usual annoyed grunt.

  Dr. Hibbert : Hmm.

  Homer Simpson : [singing operatically as Hibbert pokes him in the stomach]  D'oh!

  [in a lower pitch as Hibbert does so again] 

  Homer Simpson : D'oh!

  Dr. Hibbert : Fascinating. When Homer's on his back, his stomach lodges perfectly under his diaphragm, giving him a powerful singing voice.

  Bart Simpson : Is that a real thing?

  Lisa Simpson : It is! Tenor Andrea Bocelli recorded an entire song on his back.

  Dr. Hibbert : You know, Homer, your singing could help alleviate patient suffering, and save us a fortune in Demerol.

• Marge Simpson : Sir, thank you for saving us. Do you want to come in for some coffee?

  Julia : [taking off her helmet and shaking out her hair]  That's right, I'm a woman.

  Homer Simpson : A lady motorcycle driver? What is this, the Twilight Zone?

• Plácido Domingo : You know, Homer, there is one thing about opera that has always bugged me: everyone sings instead of talking. But you made me believe I was in a magical world where singing *is* talking.

  Homer Simpson : Thanks! You know, of the Three Tenors, you're my second favorite. No, wait, I forgot about that other guy. Sorry, you're third.

• Dr. Hibbert : Homer, you have a mild back sprain. And you also ingested a dangerous quantity of grave dirt.

  Homer Simpson : Well, you're always telling me I should eat more dirt.

  Dr. Hibbert : Not dirt, vegetables!

  Homer Simpson : Which grow in what?

• Homer Simpson : So, did you see the show tonight? Remember the part where I forgot the words and I just sang "Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's"? I'm hoping they send me a case.

  Julia : [unzipping her one-piece motorcycle suit]  Now listen, Homer. You can have me anytime you want me.

  Homer Simpson : [a little frightened]  Marge!

  Julia : But if you say one word to your wife, I'll tell her you attacked me.

  Marge Simpson : [in the kitchen]  What is it, sweetie?

  Homer Simpson : Um... everyone's wearing clothes in here.

  Marge Simpson : That's nice.

• Homer Simpson : I just have one question. What is this movie about?

  Director : [face-palming]  For the last time, it's not a movie!

  Homer Simpson : Excuse me, "film".

• Bart Simpson : [after Homer's opera debut]  Dad, you were great!

  Lisa Simpson : And you contributed to our culture!

  Homer Simpson : Well, I didn't mean to.

  Lisa Simpson : No, no. It's a good thing.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, good. This makes up for me showing up drunk to the father/daughter dance.

  Lisa Simpson : The dance isn't 'til next week.

  Homer Simpson : Sorry, Lisa. Can't change the future.

• Homer Simpson : [singing arpeggios to practice his voice]  D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, whoo-hoo. Stu, stu, stu, stu-pid Flanders.

  Ned Flanders : [poking his head in]  Why the crescendo, my dear old friend-o?

  Homer Simpson : [singing]  Get lost, you waste of a mustache.

  Ned Flanders : [leaving]  Okily-dokily.

• Homer Simpson : [finding a snake in his cereal, he whacks it against the fridge]  Ahh! Die, you stupid cobra! Die! Die!

  Lisa Simpson : Dad, I think someone's trying to kill you.

  Homer Simpson : Who could it be? A disgruntled former employee? Whoever it is, the cobra is their symbol.

• Homer Simpson : Oh, Homer, you've got to try this roast beef au jus.

  Homer Simpson : [taking a bite]  Mmm! Au jus! Not quite gravy, not quite blood.

  Lisa Simpson : Look at the crowd around that table.

  Bart Simpson : It must be a make-your-own-sundae bar!

  Homer Simpson : [pushing past people]  Oh, I can't wait to taste that hot fudge and caramel and crushed nuts all slathered over a delicious... ELDERLY CORPSE?

  Lisa Simpson : [mortified]  We crashed a funeral!

  Marge Simpson : Oh, my god! Quick, everyone put on their long faces.

  [the family puts on expressions of sadness] 

  Marge Simpson : Longer!

• Reverend Lovejoy : This concludes our service. Go now in the peace of the Lord.

  Homer Simpson : So long, suckers!

  [ushering the family out] 

  Homer Simpson : Move it, move it, move it! Do you want to be second out of the parking lot? DO YOU?

  [Lisa trips] 

  Homer Simpson : Leave her!

  Marge Simpson : We left her last week, and she didn't make it home for dinner!

  Homer Simpson : [getting in the car and peeling out]  You'll never catch me, Lord!

• Marge Simpson : [after Sunday mass]  Well, where should we go for brunch? Griddler on the Roof? Thank God It's Fried Eggs? Luftwaffles? Bodacious Frittatas? Buffet the Hunger Slayer?

  Homer Simpson : I wanna say one!

  Marge Simpson : Be my guest.

  Homer Simpson : Denny's.

  [dejected groan] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh...

  Bart Simpson : Every place has such a long line.

  Homer Simpson : Don't worry. We'll just go home. Your mother can cook.

  Lisa Simpson : I just want a simple salad with pine nuts, haricots verts, seasonal heirloom tomatoes...

  Marge Simpson : Forget it! One day a week, I should be able to put on nice clothes and have someone bring food to me.

  Bart Simpson : There's a place... with no line!

  Homer Simpson : Whoo-hoo!

  Lisa Simpson : [seeing a catering van]  Bart, that's not a restaurant, it's somebody's house.

  Homer Simpson : Lisa's right, son. Your mom is way too classy to crash a private...

  Marge Simpson : [crawling through a window in the basement]  I'm not cooking!

• Montgomery Burns : The Springfield Opera House, of which I am founder, artistic director, and standing ovation starter, is producing "La Boheme". I want you to sing the lead.

  Homer Simpson : But I can only sing lying on my back.

  Montgomery Burns : Eh, we'll cover it with a re-write.

• Woman : [the Simpsons accidentally crash a stranger's funeral]  My brother twisted his ankle setting up the chairs.

  Homer Simpson : [feigning sadness]  Will the tragedies that stalk this family never cease?

  Woman : Would you like to be a pallbearer?

  Homer Simpson : Of course.

  [cut to him helping carry the casket] 

  Homer Simpson : I thought she said "polar bear".

  Man : Please, sir, a little respect for the dead.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, yes, of course.

  [falling into an open grave] 

  Homer Simpson : Whoa! Oh, my back! It hurts, and not in a good way.

• Homer Simpson : Oh, man, that church service was so boring. I did a whole book of Find-A-Words.

  Lisa Simpson : Ugh, dad, all you circled were the "I"s and "A"s.

  Homer Simpson : Those are words.

• Homer Simpson : Let me make something very clear: my heart belongs to Marge, and you can never, ever have it. This opera's over when the fat man sings.

  Julia : All right, Homer. I understand perfectly. You shall never be mine.

  Homer Simpson : That's good. You've calmly accepted that you will never have the only man you could ever love. Now, I think it would be best if you left.

  [she heads to the door] 

  Homer Simpson : Julia, wait!

  Julia : [hopeful]  Yes?

  Homer Simpson : Before you go, could you hire your own replacement?

  [whispering] 

  Homer Simpson : But make sure she's not crazy like you.

• Homer Simpson : Well, that's it. I'm retiring from the opera. It's just too popular. And I know something much more fun I can do on my back.

  [at the house, he paints a mural of the family on the ceiling of the family room] 

  Homer Simpson : Singing opera made me good at painting.

  Bart Simpson : Is that a real thing?

  Lisa Simpson : No.